Hello. I was surprised to find this website. Well, it happened to me, my worst fear since becoming married. I'm 28, and my husband is also 28. My husband cheated. Again and again and again. This time it was physical. We have been married for 4 years, but together for 5 years. We don't have children, but he really really really wants kids. He has low sperm count, and we tried IUI once. I had a miscarriage. Since the first year of marriage, he's flirted online probably once per year. It upset me but I was able to forgive it since it was online. Then, one day it was a coworker he flirted with. I confronted her and told him it wasn't okay. She said she had a boyfriend, apologized, and said she'd never speak to him again. I probably shouldn't have spoken to her, but I always feel like I need to tell these women to stay away and that he's married.
I know he should be the one to not even open that door. We moved on. He said that when he's stressed out, he did it but told me he'd never do it again. In the beginning of October of 2022, we signed for a house together. The day we signed for the house, I found out he was at another woman's house just the night before. I legally could not get out of the binding contract.
So, I tried to move forward with him and give him one more chance. I told him our last chance was to try therapy to see what's really going on and why he keeps doing it and why it's gradually getting worse. Pretty much, it is his way to avoid conflict and escape his problems. He doesn't love these women, but they helped him to escape reality for a moment. It's sick to me. I am able to stay faithful when we have a disagreement, so what's his problem? We started therapy in the beginning of October, and by mid December, I found that he'd been talking to a LIST of women and had sexual relations with 3 women within the time that we were in counseling. He was giving the women he had sex with money and paying phone bills. He also thought he got one of them pregnant because the condom broke in her. He texted her that if she wasn't pregnant, he was going to get her pregnant. When I confronted him about this, he said that he texted that but he didn't mean that. He said it was "all talk".
I was done. He managed to carefully come home at a decent time and make me feel special like we actually had a chance. The whole time, he was still cheating. I told him I wanted a divorce and all of a sudden, he switched up his tune. He's now doing things he hadn't done before. He wanted to do Life360 (the app that allows you to see where each other are at all times). So, we do that now, and he said that it's because he wants me to know that he's telling the truth. Mind you, the counselors suggested this app in the beginning of therapy, and he was totally against it. He said that it was like giving the cheat code to the relationship. ?? He also gave me the password to his phone so that I could have all access. He messaged each person and told them all he's married and can't talk to them anymore. He blocked them. Then, he changed his phone number. He deleted all social media where he flirted with others. This is all great stuff and everything, but now I am trying to get the trust back for him.
At one time, I felt like I didn't love him anymore. I just feel so lost. I have started doing more for myself. I have been taking myself out to the spa and just dating myself again. I just want to take care of myself since I feel like he hasn't been. I often wonder if I am doing the right thing by staying with him. I do believe him when he says he loves me, but in the back of my mind, I am also thinking, who does this to people they love? Also, why would he change now? He's willing to give up everything he was doing now? Why not in the beginning of therapy? The therapist asked me to ask him why now? He said that when I caught him doing it, he needed help to stop. I brought this up in therapy, and he said that he's been grieving his son's passing. Right before we got together, he was with someone else for several years, and they lost a son together.
I didn't know when we were dating. I had just gotten out of a physically abusive relationship, and he felt like a breath of fresh air. We were helping to heal each other at that time. Now I feel broken and like I've lost purpose. I am trying to do right and try to keep my marriage as long as I can, but I wonder if this is what was intended for me. I am no longer in that stage where I am angry all of the time and unpredictable, thank God. It was affecting how much I ate and my job attendance. I'm at that stage now where I feel confused, lost, uncertain, and I don't know. I feel like a big question mark is on my future now. He's here and doing everything right, for now, but now I don't know if he's who I should be with. I don't want to be in another relationship. I would just travel, but I don't know if he's worth sharing my life with now. I am trying to be as forgiving as possible, not just for him, but for myself.
I feel like I have forgiven some because I am not as angry with him. I understand he's human and makes mistakes but... I don't know anymore about us. I would love him to be the husband I've wanted all along, which he seems to be playing the part now, but why didn't he do this the first, second, fifth, and seventh time he cheated? He said that he is willing to give it up because I am genuine now for the first time. My love has always been genuine. He trusts me whole heartedly for this reason, but the only thing I was genuine about this time was leaving him. :( It shouldn't take all of this for him to change. Ugh, I don't know anymore. I am looking for words of wisdom. Thank you for reading