SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone. To be honest, I was here many years ago. I got to the point where I felt my reading the forums just dragged me back into the reality I was trying to move on from. That being said, there are some great people here and I am also happy that this is an anonymous forum. Hence this post.

I'm getting older, one friend last year had a triple bypass, another this week had the same with a valve replacement. I'm seeing the years go by and feel that I will be losing friends soon. It scares me. I never lived what many consider a healthy lifestyle. I don't fear death but I would like my life to continue. I guess it's fear of the inevitable, Sorry, this was a post to express my fear that I will start losing friends. You reach an age when it happens, hard to deal with, but a natural part of life.

Bluesfan talk to your dr about your concerns, make sure you get a stress test. If you can get a Cardiac Cath to rule out any disease before you need major surgery.

Stay up to date with your health screenings, colonoscopy, PSA's, vision tests, blood work etc.

Most people can prevent bad outcomes by being proactive with screenings, and testing.

Bluesfan,

Tushnurse is wise. All you can do is your best preventative maintenance and screening and then in my opinion, hope for luck. And celebrate your friends, family and your life while you have them.

It seems in this post pandemic reality, my anxiety is running loose about everything, but especially my health and the health of my loved ones. I try to remind myself how unhealthy the anxiety is and I try to take each day as it comes, but post infidelity me is a little more on edge than old me. It is very sobering though, when health issues hit those close to us and especially when they are younger than expected. I'd love to be back in my 50's now and appreciated how well my physical self was holding up. Getting older is very humbling, but I'm pushing back as hard as I can. Hope you are too.

My friend and social circle is filled with joint replacements, heart surgeries, cancer struggles and car crashes and it almost feels like the crappiest lottery in the world, getting older. It is inevitable, and it is scary. I work to manage my fear daily. I wish you progress managing yours and hope your friends fare well.

I agree with you, sometimes I think if I just step away from the forums I wouldn't be so caught up in my pain or sorrow over the crazy turn my life took. But the people here are awesome and there is always something to learn, and I try to pay forward what I can to the newbies who show up in pain need to be acknowledged and know that things can get better.

I hope they got better for you and that you take care of yourself. I'm trying to cram in all the fun interesting things I can into whatever time I have left and hope that is enough distraction from the worry about all those awful what ifs. Take care.

"God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well." Voltaire

Bluesfan: I completely understand. Tushnurse gave you valuable advice, as did whatisloveanyway.
I can only add the quote above - it's yours! Sage advice from Voltaire!
~ lf

My class of '70 is starting to turn 70 this year (!), still in touch with a few of the old gang, I've nurtured and treasured my friends over the years and some of us are doing alright.

Had a Christmas card returned to me last week, an old flame I'd reconnected with as friends awhile back. He had a ton of health problems and had to get monthly transfusions for some weird blood disorder, and his heart was weak. Last year had a bad fall and broke his face, and the bleeding wouldn't stop, so he was really starting to go downhill fast last time we spoke on the phone.

The card came back marked 'deceased' and it really tore me up. He was one of the sweetest people ever, kind-hearted and talented in so many ways, I'll always think of him as the one that got away, but we were young and not really ready for each other, so I'm hoping to see him again in the next life. He was in a great space spiritually, which meant he wasn't at all afraid of what was coming next, but it still sucked.

I've been getting reacquainted with my weight bench, eat fairly well and exercise five or six days a week, at the very minimum an hour power walk around my neighbourhood. (Bike season soon, yay!) No health issues so far, fingers crossed being proactive will pay off. I'm aiming for being supple and strong in my 70s. It's a crap shoot and yes, our friends are starting to go, but that's life.

So true, Bluesfan, it's a jolt to see your friends and family members getting up in age and the seemingly sudden health crises cropping up. So many lately. I just lost my younger brother (age 67) who hadn't taken good care of his health his whole life (alcohol, junk food, never ate green veggies, etc.). The awareness of how brief his lifespan seems to us all now, looking back, is a shock. He is still "my kid brother." Yet he felt old and hopeless after retiring and having arthritis pain daily. His drinking made it worse and his liver finally must have given out.

You would like your life to continue, which is a big motivation for doing as Tushnurse says, and try to make healthier lifestyle choices every single day. Just gotta make them happen....and it isn't a snap.

Our biggest challenge in this house is eating the right food. Hard to break a lifetime of fast food or restaurant choices and take time to prep and cook those darn veggies...especially day after day; more especially if one is a solo cook. I think there is a diet company that ships a month's worth of frozen balanced meals to pop out and microwave; look into that, if you're as de-motivated to cook as we usually are! (I bring this up because I never see anybody mention the obstacle of not liking to cook or not being happy with one's cooking making junk food a default choice. Sure, if we could cook food that tasted like my Italian Restaurant owner friend's, it would be much easier to make those healthy food choices. What to do for those of us who aren't so hot in the kitchen? They never say...)

As an aside to FaithFool, it's sad to get a card or letter returned like that. (Was he the fellow you went to Toronto, was it, to see on that glorious getaway trip you took? I remember when you wrote about that, it sounded so poignant, so if that is the same friend, it's no wonder you cried; you had only recently reconnected. Hugs.)

Last night I got the call that my cousin had dropped dead of a heart attack. We're the same age (54), and his kids are the same age as mine. I was stunned. As far as I know, there was never any indication that he had heart disease.

The whole family is devastated. He and his siblings are close knit; they lost their own father quite young and held on to each other through some major life challenges. My aunt has had enough grief for three people, and none of it was of her own making. I think of what she and my cousin's wife are feeling right now, and my mind shuts down. I'm less afraid of my own death than I am of the grief of losing someone I deeply love.

It doesn't help that I was diagnosed with thyroid disease late last year, which at least explains why I've been so exhausted and why my dedicated efforts to lose weight have gone nowhere. My doctor is rolling the dose of medication up gradually, and so far, my blood work shows no improvement. I realize there are good reasons not to fast track the increase, but it's hard to stick to a nutritional program that shows no results. My metabolism is just so slow. Seeing what happened to my cousin increases my sense of helplessness; it's like watching the train coming towards me and not being able to get off the track.

Thanks for this thread. Turns out it was very timely for me.

I am very sorry for the losses shared here and offer my condolences.

I hesitated to include this comment in my first post, but the articles I have been coming across are indicating a marked increase in cardiac issues with post covid infections, surprisingly with mild cases as well as LT cases. I think the medical community is still analyzing the downstream effects of the virus' attack on our bodies but it may be contributing to what we see as a shocking increase in cardiac issues in otherwise healthy, or younger than expected patients.

A study published last year assessed millions of VA patients pre and post covid and the increased incidence of cardiovascular outcomes is frightening. There is only so much of this news I will allow myself to read, as my adult children have had multiple infections and our family cardiac history is bleak to begin with. I could spiral into a pit of worry and depression if I dwell too much on it. But I am surprised there is not more in the news or media about the increased risks post infection. If you are interested in the dense data of the VA study, search long term cardiovascular outcomes of Covid 19 published Feb 2022, or the follow up articles discussing the study. The first year post infection is the most risky so I'm looking forward to being beyond that milestone this fall. I managed to avoid infection for almost three years, and our first airplane trip infected us, with my symptoms dragging into long covid.

Sorry if I caused any new worries, but for me it does help to have causation rather than random incidents of sudden health issues to try to come to terms with. Wishing luck and good health for all of us in the coming year.

@ Superesse the NOTL guy is still alive and kicking, although we're not in touch anymore, that was only meant to happen that one time at band camp. The one who passed on was the one from my 20s who came to my town to visit after tracking me down, and it fizzled but we were ok and moved on from my eagerness to rekindle that flame.

@ whatisloveanyway The long Covid is real and now that enough time is passing for studies to be done, it's clear that it attacks the vascular system in myriad ways that we're just finding out, generating a lot of long-term disability down the road from even a one-time 'mild' infection. (I have one elder friend who is having a lot of trouble with her eyesight months later, another one an engaged teacher who can no longer teach, and another much younger one who is bedbound and unable to stand up without her heart going a million miles an hour.) That is really bad news for the economy, which is why you won't hear much about it unless you're tuned in to the research the virologists are engaged in. I've managed to dodge it so far by staying with a lot of the things that got me through the first three years - no air travel, no public transit, no concerts, no indoor dining, and N95 masking in unavoidable crowded indoor situations including stores. I'm fortunate to live alone, and where I work my office is full of HEPA units filtering the air, and I mask in hallways and public washrooms. I've accepted that my new lifestyle in semi-retirement is to save it all up for patio season. It's pretty clear that the 'vax and relax' story is doing a lot of damage, but nobody seems to care, so we're really on our own with this thing. As with everything, YMMV.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 7:58 PM, Saturday, February 4th]

I hesitated to include this comment in my first post, but the articles I have been coming across are indicating a marked increase in cardiac issues with post covid infections, surprisingly with mild cases as well as LT cases.

Yes, that worries me too. I don't want to threadjack the OP (which is more about aging and inevitable loss), but it certainly doesn't help if that timeline is being accelerated by new risk factors.

I totally agree that there are many things all of us can / should do to get and stay as healthy as possible. I’ve watched my H decline in health over the past few months / years. It is troubling.

I also believe…is it Mangled Heart’s tag line?

"Worry doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrows…It empties today of its strength." (Corrie Ten Boom)

That’s how I attempt to get through these hard days…kids in jail, my H’s frail health, my own diminishing overall strength/general health, etc., etc., etc.

I don’t always manage it in south a healthy way as that quote…but just having that as a goal really helps me.

So sorry about your recent loss.