SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Has anyone managed it in-between times when the WH has contact with children?

I'm trying to have NC rest of the time but not sure if it's futile because I have to see him round my children and its like starting all over again with healing/trying to process what's happened and divorce when he leaves.

Are you talking about no contact with the AP (so the AP and your spouse have children together?) or the BS having NC with their WS?

Apologies I posted this in wrong thread. Should have been just found out

Is there someone who can move it over?

You can make a new post titled "mod please," that will alert the moderators that you need help with something.

I made a post for you asking if they can switch this post to the JFO forum.

  Moving to Just Found Out

Thank you

It's still not clear to me whether YOU are trying to go NC with your spouse or whether your spouse is trying to go NC with the AP.

I'm trying NC with spouse. After multiple Ddays. Most recently while I was pregnant. It's over but he is around me to see his child.

Soooo it's hard to go 100% no contact while you have little children, but what I did (my kids were 8yo and 18 months) at the time was:
-only communicated via email.
-blocked his # on my phone & told him if it was an emergency he could call my mother and she would get in touch with me, otherwise he could email me.
-only talked in person during mediation/at the courthouse.
-would have the kids packed up and ready to go when he was picking them up, he didn't even have to come into the house. I would have their stuff ready on the stoop and would send them out when he pulled up to pick them up, OR
-my mom or my best friend would come over and let him in to pick up the kids while I waited in our bedroom, so I wouldn't have to see him.

You don't have to continue this way forever, but I found it incredibly helpful in the beginning when everything was so painful.

After we fully separated, my contact with the EXWW was limited to the weekly exchange. I kept any interaction with her to a minimum, though she tried to chat me up a bit. I was civil but distant. After awhile, the discomfort of seeing her lessened and now I can stomach her for a bit. It does get better with time. Even though she destroyed our lives, I've been able detach and now I think of her as someone I used to know.

They say that the promised land of healing after infidelity is indifference. I hope you get there someday.

Thank you for your replies.

It's very early stages from Dday. It feels impossible that I'm ever going to feel normal and happy again. I wish WH would disappear.

A key issue might be the age of children. For an infant still breast-feeding it might be difficult, but you can control the environment and situation for his visitation.
Like he could have the kids in the living-room or the kids bedroom. Areas could be clearly off-limits to him. You can have a third party (sibling, friend…) that interacts with him and maybe brings the infant to you if required. While he is over you could be in the bedroom and maybe even try to catch up on what most new moms need – naps and sleep!
I think it’s good that he is told in very clear words that his presence hurts you and that you do not want to interact with him. That he needs to respect that because the other option could be supervised visitation via CPS or the legal system.

Once the kids are more self-sufficient it becomes easier.

I have a former colleague whose wife cheated. He decided that he never wanted to see her again, and for nearly six years he only saw her in person two times despite shared custody of a 4 year old daughter (4 to 10). He did that by having hand-offs before and after day-care and later school. After that period of time they were both detached enough to be able to manage a more amicable parenting schedule.