Hi, Shaghayegh;
I am so sorry this has happened to you, but am glad you found us. There will be a lot of people respond to your post with great advice. Some things you can use -- some you can't.
I'm afraid. when I call him and he doesn't answer, the first thing I think about is that he is with that girl again, I feel insecure and alone. what if it is another lie?
I have the impression that now I left him alone, he is going to contact her again. I can't believe him when he says he loves me
This is the lack of trust you now have for him, and rightfully so. You trusted him to keep his promise of fidelity; yet, when you were away and he had no one to watch him, he cheated on you. This feeling of lack of trust may never go away. This is the damage he has done to your marriage. I am not saying it can't be regained, but it will be difficult, will take a long time, and may never again be at 100%. This is sad, but true.
I checked his cell phone and I saw the messages he sent to her are deleted since the day I arrived!
He knew he shouldn't be communicating with her in that fashion and deleted everything trying to cover up the evidence. This is typical cheater behavior. And to be honest, if you knew you did something wrong and were in control of the evidence, wouldn't you be tempted to erase everything hoping you wouldn't get caught?
he confused to me that he was dating her but they didn't have sex and it was just hugging and flirting!
once I called him on meet and some how I could see that he is walking out of our bed room to another room before answering my call. I asked what are you doing and he said I was sleep! (later I realized that they were together that day.)
Well, you know what they were doing. Either you caught them in the act, or she was in the bedroom. Either way, "just hugging and flirting" is a lie -- but you already know that.
When that bond of trust is broken, it hurts very deeply. The one person on the earth who is supposed to be your best friend, the one person who knows more about you than anyone else, the one person whom you can turn to and pour your heart out to and know they will comfort you and not reject you, that one person turns out to be the one who stabbed you in the back! It is unbelievable! That level of hurt and pain we were never supposed to experience; but the one who supposedly loves you the most is the one who can hurt you the most -- and he did.
No matter what he may say, just remember none of this is your fault. All of this is on him. No one forced him to cheat -- he chose that on his own.
You are awesome! You are to be cherished because just like him, you were separated from your spouse and had opportunities to cheat, but chose not to.
The storm has just started, I'm sorry to tell you. You will experience all kinds of emotional ups and downs. Your mind will be all over the place. We are here for you. Post here as often as you like, even if it is just to vent. Keep us up to date on what is happening. The more you share, the better advice people can give you.
In all of this, remember one thing: Here, you are not alone!
