I have been with my partner for 12 years. I'm 46 he's 47.From the beginning I knew that he had alcohol dependence which he's had since he was early adult. But I saw the person he was when he wasn't drunk.
During this time my other half basically managed to get sober with my support and stayed for 2 years at time till a relapse, then each sober period increased to he most recent which had been nearly four years. Back in the early days of our partnership he was drunk and propositioned his ex in front of me to sleep with us needless to say I was devastated and upset and he instead of apologising to me the next morning spoke to her first! We then one day about 6 months later when drunk he told me he didn't find me attractive in that way. This is something he then backtracked on and has denied saying he didn't meant it but always stuck with me.
My first marriage (lasted 10 years) was toxic as he controlled me and made me have abortions twice when I got pregnant. Then I had been informed I couldn't have children without IVF.
Then about six years ago I got to thinking I was pregnant and sure enough I was but that dream lasted all of 2 days as by the Monday I was in an ambulance and nearly died from the ectopic pregnancy. This triggered another relapse as that's his coping mechanism, so I went through it alone. It totally changed my personality and couldn't really look at myself anymore, so sex become for the last 3 years none existent. I felt like a failure and not a woman whilst I was going through this I have just gained weight, guess that was my coping strategy to numb so made me feel even less like sex.
About 3 weeks ago he fell asleep with his phone on his chest which hadn't gone to pin screen which he always has guarded and I didn't know his login. I thought I would look as know over the years he looked at adult sites. but the shock came when I saw that he had been messaging escorts for meeting and bookings. I literally went into shock that night. Initially he tried to say what was I talking about and I told him seen the evidence and then he confessed saying he had slipped drinking last August and had been spiralling as he got diagnosed an illness 12 months ago and didn't know where his head was at and needed some intimacy and as he had been having problems with maintaining erection wanted to see if he could still get it up and my lack of interest!
I had been saying to him for the last 12 months I was concerned about it and we needed to do something but he chose to go elsewhere. But all I got was well you don't initiate anymore so I gave up trying. I managed to get into the site he used and there were literally him trying to book appointments when he had to go in office on his lunch breaks once a week and then planning other for after work. He saying to me that he only ever actually saw 3 girls 4 times in total, he has seven feedback on this site he was on but claims some of those are fake, don't understand why the escorts would give fake feedback..
Two days after I discovered the escorts, I saw a picture on his pc as I walked in room which I thought looked like my sister - turned out it was and from when he fixed her phone! said he was deleting them. His explanation for having pictures of my sister is that he had been feeling strange and that she was the kind of woman that he wanted as she would run around after kids all day, clean and do everything and he admired her. Yes I know I still don't know how to process that.
He says he wants to go counselling and to try to make it work I have agreed as do feel be beneficial to try and process things. I have no idea how to not go insane with this, my sister knows about the pics of her and is saying she will never talk to him again and understand that but she saying if I stay with him she will have to tell my family why she isn't speaking to him. She was the only person I could talk to and feel now I cant....
[This message edited by Thunderstorm77 at 7:01 PM, Thursday, May 11th]
