I told my kids. They were roughly the same age as yours. I told them in age appropriate terms. I told them in a way they would not hate on their Mom, THEIR MOTHER, and not internalize her faults.
Their Mother is a large part of them physically-mentally, and I kept that, keep that always in mind when speaking of her. I don’t want my kids thinking they’re some kind of spawn of evil.
Your kids are watching you-closely, learning from this experience, just as you are and, if they’re to learn correctly, make proper deductions, conclusions they need accurate data, the truth. Without the truth, they can draw erroneous conclusions, at your expense and, their own.
Turn this whole shitty deal into a valuable learning situation. Life ain’t Disney. Some day your kids may be faced with a similar situation. Be an example, show your kids how to handle your stuff when life happens. The only way for your kids to fully grasp, to appreciate the enormity of your struggle, your pain, is for them to know the truth. Your kids need to fully understand their parents or they won’t fully understand themselves or their world. Missing pieces of a puzzle of their lives they might need someday.
My Dad did this, which had this effect on my Mom, and has had this effect on me.
They need to know what “this” is.
You can’t hide the consequences, the fallout, the destruction of an affair, so you should not hide the cause and origin, leaving some inexplicable ruin just BEGGING proper explanation.
Q: "How-why did the house burn down?"
A: "It just caught fire…fire happens"
"Mom and Dad just stopped loving each other" ridiculously falls short of an adequate explanation for the level of impact your kids are noticing-FEELING, in the wake of infidelity, leaving your kids forever wondering, "W in TF happened…Is that what happens, you just suddenly stop loving someone…Is that how love works…is this what happens when you stop loving someone?" NO! Life-love is so much more complex than that and requires more than a simple, convenient, comfy explanation.
There are inescapable lessons to be learned here, for everyone. Of course the WS does not want to make a humiliating learning experience of themselves, but..they..did. If the WS is going to, at least, reconcile with themselves, they should handle this with humility, beautiful, respectable, admirable humility, something every kid would benefit to observe. Something we need more of in this world.
[This message edited by RealityBlows at 3:32 AM, Wednesday, June 14th]