Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: ConstantlyConfused

Divorce/Separation :
Just not sure how to feel about this

Topic is Sleeping.
default

 Mari104 (original poster member #63422) posted at 2:28 AM on Tuesday, June 13th, 2023

sad I am so conflicted on how I should feel about this. After years of so much pain and hurt….my XWH seems to have gotten what he wanted. He has been made the general manager of a new dealership his company just opened. The company he was working for during the affair with the married OW. And they are both still working there. Towards the end of last year, he bought a house with the OW (which was basically the nail on the coffin with his relationship with our daughter.) He still has no relationship with her. After she found out about the house, I feel like even bringing his name up is an issue for her. She cuts off the conversation if he is brought up and no longer engages in any discussions about him. It makes me sad. Even her therapist has noticed a shift. He picks up our son once a week for about 3 hours. That is the extent of it. Neither of the children have met the OW. Our daughter still refuses to have anything to do with her. His parents, brother, sister in law have also not met her. No one has been to his new house. His parents told him they refuse to meet her or have anything to do with this "new life" of his.

For those that remember, our niece passed away last August after a 9 year battle with cancer. He continues to not be there for anyone and has never even reached out to our other niece, who is 10 and struggling with the loss of her sister.

This just makes me so so sad. It isn’t fair. I am raising our children basically on my own. (He does financially help, because I fought like hell for that.) But his responsibilities stop there. He gets to go home to no children, no parenting responsibilities. Just him and the OW. Gets to continue to focus on his career and himself, which is what he wanted.

I should be used to my life now. I know I can’t depend on him for anything. I do it all alone. He hasn’t been to any of our son’s soccer games for over 2 1/2 years at this point. No practices. Doctor’s appointments, nothing at all. He never even checks in with me to see how they are doing. I am the one that reaches out if something does come up. I guess I should be "ok" knowing that this is it. I am a single mom. He helps financially and everything else falls on me. At least that is the one thing that is consistent in our lives. His inconsistency. But it still sucks that in the end, he gets the position he wanted at the expense of us. He hurt us all so bad and is just going about his life like nothing happened. He neglected our niece during the moments she needed him the most. And he can’t "fix" it. She is gone. crying Our daughter is still struggling and in therapy. I know he doesn’t get the honor of seeing our children everyday and being part of their lives as much as he should. I know I am incredibly lucky that I get to raise the two most amazing kids in the world and that because he chooses not to prioritize his relationship with them, I get them all the time. But it still sucks and hurts like hell. sad

window.addEventListener('message', function(e) {

if (e.data.type === 'innerBridgeIframeLoaded') {

window.frameElement.parentElement

.querySelector('#goog_1445723871').contentWindow

.postMessage({type: 'omidIframeLoaded'}, '*');

}

});

window.addEventListener('message', function(e) {

if (e.data.type === 'innerBridgeIframeLoaded') {

window.frameElement.parentElement

.querySelector('#goog_1365958335').contentWindow

.postMessage({type: 'omidIframeLoaded'}, '*');

}

});

window.addEventListener('message', function(e) {

if (e.data.type === 'innerBridgeIframeLoaded') {

window.frameElement.parentElement

.querySelector('#goog_1313239912').contentWindow

.postMessage({type: 'omidIframeLoaded'}, '*');

}

});

Kanye West Is Taking a 1-Year Break From Music, Vory Says

[This message edited by Mari104 at 12:06 PM, Tuesday, June 13th]

posts: 177   ·   registered: Apr. 12th, 2018
id 8795018
default

JammyWheel ( member #80828) posted at 4:55 AM on Tuesday, June 13th, 2023

I haven’t got much useful to say because I am in a similar boat
I just didn’t want to read and run

It’s very hard being left as a lone parent while the WS goes off to live a seemingly great life


It’s often an illusion- they portray life this way because they know what they blew up - they have to make the end look like to justifies the means

posts: 68   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2022
id 8795026
default

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:20 AM on Tuesday, June 13th, 2023

Do you know what you get when you polish a turd? A polished turd. He's still going to be that same POS, no matter how much you gild it. He is always going to be a turd.

I remember you posting about your niece. Actually, it made me cry. I don't know how somebody can be so self-centered, but some people don't care unless there's something in it for them.

See you in IC? It may help you to have somebody to help you walk through this part of your life.

During sports events when they flash to a player, what do they usually say? "Hi, mom!" Your kids know who is there for them.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3868   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8795029
default

childofcheater ( member #33887) posted at 4:11 PM on Tuesday, June 13th, 2023

Mari I remember your story so well. I'm so very sorry that it seems like he's being rewarded for his abhorrent behavior.

Hugs to you and your kiddos!

Me: 42 yo, him 41Married 19 years together 233 kids: DD15, DD12, DS9DDay 2/9/12 found suspicious text to coworkerStatus: in R, work in progress

posts: 582   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2011   ·   location: East Coast
id 8795061
default

The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 6:09 PM on Tuesday, June 13th, 2023

Nothing screams "coward" more than a person who runs from family illness and life’s challenges.

Your children do what works for them.

And I hope he’s not the guy who calls on his deathbed to tell his children he hasn’t seen in 35 years "I always loved you". Because he only loves himself.

I can only imagine what he tells the OW about WHY he has no relationship with his kids. More lies. More denial. More justifications.

I’m sorry for you and your children for having to deal with this nightmare.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14183   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8795075
default

 Mari104 (original poster member #63422) posted at 5:38 PM on Wednesday, June 14th, 2023

It’s often an illusion- they portray life this way because they know what they blew up - they have to make the end look like to justifies the means

JammyWheel, I really hope this is the case. I hope the pain he caused keeps him up at night sometimes. I stopped trying to understand how someone can be so cruel and not care how much he was hurting his own family. I just hope he realizes that we are only human and our reactions are only human reactions. I know he lives in a world that everything revolves around him and the OW supports and even helps justify his behavior. Maybe, one day, he will look back and realize the damage he left behind. Maybe not.

leafields, thank you. He takes being self-centered to a whole different level. I am in IC and that is one of the many reasons I have been able to keep it together. It still sucks. Like JammyWheel said....so many times they give the impression they are living this amazing life. But in reality, they can't even look at themselves in the mirror. It is all for show. I didn't mention that even though he got the position he has wanted for so long....it is 1 1/2 hours away from the home he just purchased with the OW. Apparently, he bought it before he was offered the position. He use to complain about his previous 45 minute commute home all the time and said that he wanted to live closer to work. Now....he is stuck working there very long hours (since the dealership just opened) and drives 3 hours a day. I am sure it will take a toll on him sooner or later......and it may even take a toll on his relationship with the OW. But even a bigger "issue"......he really really wanted to take over a BMW dealership.....said that he knows the brand inside and out. (Has been working for BMW since he was 16.) Well....this is a Ford dealership. He does not like the Ford brand. Thinks it is "below" him. So, let's see if blowing up people's lives is worth this for him.

Childofcheater and The1stWife.....thank you. I know you have both followed my story from the beginning. The OW clearly does not care. She knows why. I am sure he twists it around in some ways. But she knows our daughter refuses to even be around her. But even knowing that.....and knowing he has no relationship with our daughter....she still felt it was in their best interest to purchase a home together. They only think about themselves. If he really wants to fix things with our child, like he has claimed.....then why wouldn't he buy something smaller for now. A place where he can take our children and rebuild a relationship with them? He knew our daughter would never step foot in that house, but he bought it anyone. Clearly, his priority is being able to afford a huge house for 2 people, rather than a smaller one for him and his children. He has never put his relationship with our daughter first. Never. Even after compromising their relationship for so long, he continued to focus on the OW and his career. So, how exactly does he expect our child to feel?

There is just no way the OW can be that oblivious. Our children are never around. His family is never around. No one has ever been to the house. What can she possibly think???? He is frustrated that his parents or brother didn't even "congratulate him". laugh Congratulate him on what exactly? He isn't doing what is best for him and his kids. And I can't even say he did what was best for him. Because what is best for him is to do everything in his power to rebuild his relationship with his kids. BUT.....it takes a real woman to acknowledge that and the OW clearly is not. Sorry....you sit there and support this crap...you are equally crappy. If she truly cared and loved him....she wouldn't even want to continue a relationship with him until he was in a better place with his kids.

[This message edited by Mari104 at 5:42 PM, Wednesday, June 14th]

posts: 177   ·   registered: Apr. 12th, 2018
id 8795216
default

The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 6:35 PM on Wednesday, June 14th, 2023

I think you realize he needs to be a "look at me" kinda guy.

Look at my new house 🤮

Look at my great new job 🤮

Look at how successful I am 🤮

Look at my GF 🤮

His fragile ego is what leads him to make the decisions he does.

He’s selfish (to put it bluntly).

He wants to live a life stress free and "partying" and no responsibility. He tells himself he "deserves" it.

Don’t believe everything you observe b/c he can pretend all he wants. But someday — who knows when— if the OW decides to dump him, he will have burned his bridges and will be alone.

And that’s when regret MAY sink in.

But if not, I suggest you get to a place where you have nothing but indifference for him.

Raise your children to do better. They deserve to know their father is no role model.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14183   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8795225
default

WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 7:47 PM on Wednesday, June 14th, 2023

I’m so sorry for your pain.

All I know to say is to echo your own words…

I know he doesn’t get the honor of seeing our children everyday and being part of their lives as much as he should. I know I am incredibly lucky that I get to raise the two most amazing kids in the world and that because he chooses not to prioritize his relationship with them, I get them all the time.

It doesn’t always make the pain go away, but it is absolute truth.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8232   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8795229
Topic is Sleeping.
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20241101b 2002-2024 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy