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I had a complete sucker punch of a trigger today,

I'm driving my children home from a visit with grandma and daughter 2 starts singing "Grandma got run over by a reindeer🎶...you might think there's no such thing as Santa, as for me and Grandpa, we believe!"

Cute.

Daughter 2 picks it up. "...you might think there's no such thing as (AP name)"

I deathgrip the steering wheel and try not to flood. She then repeats this bizarre version 4 more times.

KMN.

Welcome to SI, I'm not familiar with your story so not sure how far along you are in the R process. I understand that triggers will knock you down and for me it is also hearing the AP's name. We have a neighbor with the same name as AP and I still cringe when my W says his name. Was the AP a friend or your, or is your Daughter referring to someone else?

As time goes on the triggers get more manageable and at the 18 months to 2 year mark I started to analyze and process what they were telling me. But again AP's name doesn't bother me until I hear my W say it.

Ow has the same name as one of my children.

Your daughter saying that seems crazy weird.

What did your wife say?

My wife was not present.

My daughter has never met nor heard of AP. I have no idea where she got the name from. My wife and I don't discuss it in front of them and she doesn't use his name and I call him Dickhead so this is a freak thing I figure.

That's WEIRD. Is it a common name? Maybe a classmate or a TV show character?

OW shares a name with a weather condition and a fast-food chain. I don't trigger, per se, but I get a little ping of "Oh, there it is again" every time.

[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 10:48 PM, Wednesday, December 20th]

The name is not Jack/John/Mike/Matt/Brian/Mohammed common, reasonably popular in Gen X but my kids are <10 and have no classmates or friends named Dickhead, so pretty weird.

When you told your wife,how did she respond?

Used,

Perhaps grandma knows about the affair and said the name in a phone call, sometimes affair can hang heavy on family members who aren't directly involved.

You WW could have told her and told her not to tell you? This would be alot to hold in.

Yea my WW was saying the name of OM1 in prayer during a period of time, it was someone who was married to someone at dialysis.

Do your kids go to school with OM kids?

I can feel your gut punch I’m so so sorry

OW name isn’t common but it’s a name from a popular and nostalgic show that my kids grew up being obsessed with. One day my oldest son (he’s 22 now) said something like "oh that’s the place where OW name family was from" while my husband and I were driving him back to school. My husband just looked down and quietly said "thanks buddy" but my son didn’t hear. My kids are unaware of the A and therefore the OW name.

The name pops up randomly too, especially when the particular show (which is very popular) is in a post or something and actually the whole damn show has been tainted for me and it makes me SICK. I’ve actually blocked random people on social media just for having that name, people I don’t even know! It’s insanity.

Also, would you be able to ask the kids why they changed the lyrics? Or why they added that name? Did you tell your wife what happened?

I know these triggers are painful especially if we aren’t thinking of the A or the AP at the time then BOOM we are blindsided.

WS here

The kids were just with grandma and grandpa for 5 days. We don’t play Christmas tunes at our house so they definitely heard the song there but I don’t see how it would have had that name. While my mom is aware of the affair, she didn’t know OMs name so it couldn’t be her. I literally never use OMs name. No one we interact with on even a vaguely regular basis has that name.

It doesn’t even vaguely sound like Santa

Not to discount that Used was triggered, because he was really triggered.

I had DD2 sing it to me and she was not singing OMs name. What she was singing is not the lyrics and is an expression she has heard that sounds like his name.

Posted the wrong text here at first:
What I wanted to say and is on this topic is:

Why not ask your daughter why she used that name?
I think this can be immensely important for two reasons:
Maybe it was a coincidence. Maybe a classmate, friend or it just rhymed. If that’s the case then fine. You know.

But… Kids pick up on things. MAYBE this was a child’s way to get some discussion on something she heard or sensed that seems so important for the people that manage her life and maybe even she feels threatens her level of comfort.
If she says she chose that name because grandma and pa talk between themselves about how bad PlaceNameHere was, or she heard mom and dad talk about it, or heard dad talk to PNH or whatever… If that’s the reason you want to – along with your wife and in an age appropriate way – ensure your kid(s) feel safe and loved.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:10 PM, Thursday, December 21st]

Used,

A major question is how close is the OM physically to where you live.

Also do you still live in the same area as the affair this can keep you triggered for a long time, because any place they met, people who knew etc are painted with the affair color.

[This message edited by survrus at 3:25 AM, Friday, December 22nd]

OM is far away. Best thing for everyone, really.

This whole thing was just a result of my twitchy, overactive mind. It turns out it was innocent and what my daughter said just sounded like Dickhead but wasn't.

Fun with Triggers was an apt title to the whole situation, apparently.

Used,

Did you get a full and complete confession, polygraph, timeline, DNA testing, STD testing, disposal of affair tainted items and etc?

Do you think your WW really recovered from the affair?

This whole thing was just a result of my twitchy, overactive mind

I disagree with that statement.

The whole thing was due to your wife's affair, betrayal and the subsequent lies to cover it up.