he believes he never would have had an A with a married woman (AP was single, no kids). He said he believes he would have thought of "the fall out" first, their kids etc. I of course, scoffed.
So he puts the fallout of a stranger before the fallout for his own wife and kids? Bullshit.
I feel he has so much to do in facing up to his own mindset. I think without knowing it, he does follow the "At least I..." train of thoughts.
My husband followed this train of thought too. For my husband, he had convinced himself that the fact that the AP was married was a good thing because it meant that neither of them had any intention to actually leave their marriage and this was just for fun and no one had to get hurt. "At least I didn't want to *actually* be with her." It's a minimization that protects the wayward from feelings of shame. Obviously, it's wayward thinking, but I think all of us are guilty of it to a lesser degree in some facet of our lives. No one wants to be the bad guy who does "bad" things, so we create permission structures to make bad actions seem less bad ("I didn't manage to go to the gym today, but it's okay because I ate healthy and a took the stairs at work, and I'll go tomorrow" feels better than "I didn't go to the gym today because I'm feeling lazy and I didn't want to.")
I agree with you that it's worrying that he's STILL telling himself stories to justify his actions, even if he claims to be taking responsibility elsewhere. Nothing
