Sorry, but I just need to get something out
The sister-in-law I was speaking of, who supposedly came to the house to take care of my husbandā¦ Who gave him HER prescription medicine to help him "sleep", who did not give him the MiraLAX he needed, and who literally would ask me each night what was for supperā¦ That one ā left yesterday, FINALLY.
The night before she left, my husband was very much in pain and very angry. I donāt know who he was angry at, me or her. He was saying he needed to go to the hospital. Anyway, I just sort of took over everything having to do with his care. His Foley became clogged and I had to have the home health nurse come over and change it. He was in horrible pain because she had given him twice as much of some medicationās, and none of some of the others. Iām sure some of it was his fault because he tries to avoid some things he doesnāt like. But you just have to be sure that he takes the medication he supposed to. Itās not like he refuses, just acts childish sometimes.
Anyway, not to blow my own horn or anything, (after being with him for almost 36 years I should know what Iām doing) ā but after about 18 hours with me back on the job so to speak, I had him back in a good place. His pain was being managed by practices and care and not so much only pain medication. He was eating what he was supposed to be eating, and taking his pills when he was supposed to be taking them. I know she loves him very much, but it was almost like she resented the fact that I had got him back to a good place. So the next day she told me that she had called my sister to take her back home. That I was doing everything for my husband, so that she assumes she wasnāt needed anymore. I said OK, and thanked her for "all that she had done to help". Itās the southern way.
Anyway, since she moved back into town, it has been my husband and her habit to get together on the weekends to watch NASCAR. I know. They are the only ones left out of their family of origin and they really enjoy the sport. Anyway, today my husband called me back into the room where he had been sleeping. He asked me if I would be able to go pick her up around three this afternoon so they could watch the race. I told him sure, to let me know exactly what time after he had talked with her. Then he told me that he called her and she said she did not want to come. I said that I was sorry, I assumed she was mad at me. He said that she was probably mad at him.
So, as if her PATHETIC excuse for "helping him" right after my surgery for a week or so didnāt tick me off, I am really mad now. She has the balls to be mad at me and/or him. Yes, I am OCD about many things, but especially so about my husbandās care. I have worked too hard to get taking care of him down to a science, and I donāt want to lose that equilibrium. And Lord knows he can be a handful at times, but he is also in tremendous pain when he is not properly cared for. And it can happen overnight. And she is upset with us?
Sorry, but it is just rubbed me the wrong way. I take her to and from the store to buy her cigarettes and Sundrops every week. (She literally spends about $500 a month on cigarettes and Sundrop. Yet sometimes she wants to borrow money from me! Knowing things are really tight for us trying to help out with grandkids, and pay life insurance policies.) I take her to and from the bank. I take her to all of her doctors appointments. Sometimes my sister helps. I go and get her and bring her to the house so that she can watch races with him. And take her back home. She has issues with her eyes and cannot drive. No worries. I even enrolled us in a program that provided respite care Financial help. The program does not benefit me at all financially. It means that she comes to the house for X amount of hours and I pay her. And after one month, I turn in forms, and they will reimburse me up to a certain amount of money. Itās not much at all, but I went through the process of getting that set up for her so she could have some extra money. She was coming over anyway, but I looked at it as an opportunity for her.
I suppose I could watch the race with him, but I would truly rather have my fingernails ripped out one at a time. And I donāt think it was as much the race, but she would tell me that he would talk with her throughout the whole race about memories of childhood, etc., that she had not heard him talk about for years. I feel like maybe he is starting to think about his life winding down. And as much as I would wish that we had the kind of relationship where he would want to have meaningful conversations with meā¦ I get it. She is the only one left that can share some of his memories.
And now sheās going to act all pissy and not come over to watch the race with him. I have no idea when I will see her again, but I am already trying to figure out how I am going to remain cordial and not tell her exactly what I think of her.
I guess thatās why Iām telling you all. Because I donāt want to be in a part of putting more of a riff between the two of them.
Feel free to ignore me. Iām just spouting off.
[This message edited by WhatsRight at 11:23 PM, Saturday, March 2nd]