SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Again.. I think he's using something like text now. They give you phone numbers to choose from, that aren't currently being used.

My wh had a lot of odd numbers on the phone bill. I spent a lot of time researching these numbers. Some traced back to am escort service. Because the number was, at one time,used by a hooker. Once I actually went to the escort site, and searched that number, it was no longer associated with that site.

Other members have had the same thing happen to them.

IF this is legitimately his number, it's a fluke that it was once associated with an escort service. Or, he's basically a pimp, and your wife has been his escort.

If you stay with her, she needs to take a polygraph.

[This message edited by HellFire at 10:21 PM, Friday, March 8th]

Your wife wasn't a victim. She's a fully grown woman,capable of making her own decisions.

Many bh try to fall back on saying their wife was preyed upon..

It's bullshit.

She was definetly not preyed upon shes to blame 100%. She could have cut it off once the texts became inapproprite
Im new to this forum and I havent really read to many other storys but I would imagine this has to be one of the most brutal ones. Sometimes I re read what I wrote and I cant believe its real but it is. This is hell on earth.

If you need to read stories worse than yours to feel better, they’re here. The value in reading the other stories for me was realizing most cheaters follow the same script. Everyone wants to believe their spouse is the exception. That’s almost never true. The behavior is fairly predictable.

Your story is the worst, because it's happening to you. Most bs feel that way.

We had a member who got AIDS, thanks to her cheating husband. She died.

We ha e members who have miscarried, because they had an std,and didn't know.

We have women who had an std,and didn't know until it rendered them infertile..thanks to their cheating husband.

I will say,in all the time I've read here, I don't recall an OM ever taunting a BH like the OM in your situation is. OM are typically cowards..they disappear once they e been caught.

One thing I will say is that Ive been getting these burner phone texts for awhile. Im a supervisor at my job and I had to fire one of the employees. We were actually friends and I used to confide in him about how I thought my wife was cheating before I found out. I didnt want to fire him but the owner of the company told me to so I had no choice. He took it very personally. Right after I fired him I started getting these texts about once a week. I figured it was him but once I found out she was actually cheating I wasnt so sure it was.

Hi Toby.

Wow, seeing lots of cheating cases now involving parking lots now... Weird.

Toby, your case is pretty simple in the sense that you found out, through your wife's infidelity, that she is a freak in the bed and she has been keeping that close to her heart all this time. Meaning she does not respect you. No respect, no love. I wish it were more complicated but... seeing more and more of these cases where the guy plays the husband part as is expected and the wife is going around fulfilling some sexual fantasy because she can (get away with it).

Unfortunately, nowadays, being a good husband/wife and a good father/mother isn't enough. In addition, most people nowadays can't have an honest conversation about what they like in the sac because of control and shaming issues. So many end up where you are right now.

I honestly wish there were a better alternative but... I reckon divorce and no-contact is the best option for you and the kids. The images of your wife taking a huge dildo, of her stretched private parts and of her cheating with a complete stranger, not to mention the smell of latex, will NEVER leave your mind, it's a traumatic experience. They will live in a very prominent part of your brain until the day you die. Which is the more reason you ought not see her at all. You must avoid any and all people or instances where/when you may get triggered. Have her only communicate with you via the lawyers.

[This message edited by Papi at 1:03 PM, Sunday, March 10th]

Honestly the connection she had with this guy bothers me way more than the sex does (as brutal as that was). Reading through the texts she had such passion and enthusiasm for him that I never get. I get dry,generic responses like Im talking to a bot. With him she was like a giddy teenager "I miss you" or "counting down the minutes till I see you" or sending him love memes after knowing him for a week.
Im not bragging but Im a very handsome man. Im 6 foot 5 280 lbs work out and have a good psysique and not to mention a full head of hair. This guy (saw his pics on FB) Is short,fat,bald and 20 years older than her. Not to mention CREEPY as hell looking. Wish I could post pics to compare you'd be blown away. I just cant wrap my head around it. She is now saying that she was unhappy for a long time and wanted out of the marriage because I was mean to her. I admit I sometimes was tired and miserable because I have a high pressure management job. I also make over 6 figures but I had no idea she was so unhappy. She never told me. I thought everything was great. The sexlife was great she told me she loved me everyday and we were having fun with the family but she had a boyfriend for 3 months it blows my mind. None of it makes sense. She is saying there were only 2 sexual encounters in 3 months once in the car and once at his place I find that hard to believe.

None of this has anything to do with you. it's all to do with her.

It is perhaps the hardest lesson for a betrayed to learn. The sooner you understand that it was her choice, and that she is broken, the better. it could have been a bridge troll or a Skid Row bum who said the right thing at the right time. You are a safe, but boring (in her eyes) bet. You were a "high value: guy when she was dating you. Once she locked you down with a ring, you become familiar, thus losing your "high value" And familiarity breeds contempt.

I know it sounds ass backwards. But read the stories here. Time and again this rears it's ugly head.

Marital rewrite at it's best Toby, that's all that is; it makes no sense because...it makes no sense, you can't rationalize it. You lived it and your experience was probably true but to justify her shitty behavior, in her brain, you get the rewrite.

They always say to double the number the wayward gives for sexual episodes but from what you've stated in your thread, I'd probably go with there were 2 times they hooked up that they didn't have sex. You'll never get a satisfactory answer no the truth because if she admits it she has to face herself. My advice, she had sex with someone else, doesn't matter if it was once or a hundred times, don't get hung up on a number.

[This message edited by DeWittle at 6:35 PM, Sunday, March 10th]

It’s very typical, almost a cliche, that they always affair down. Don’t try to make sense of it. You can’t. No one can. Very common for the WS to rewrite the marital history to justify the A in their own minds. But you know the truth. Very often it’s not the AP’s looks, but how they reflect back to the WS how wonderful they are. It’s a total fantasy. It’s all about how the AP makes them feel. Of course they are both lying to each other. Take care of you and your children separate, file for D, and let your WW go on in her limerant A. Good luck.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:20 PM, Sunday, March 10th]

Toby,

Most betrayed spouses never get the answer as to why their WS’s cheated. There are instances where a marriage is perfect in every sense and yet there is cheating. Even if the marriage isn’t perfect there is no excuse for cheating. So please remember that none of this is on you. Your WS saying she wasn’t happy and hence cheated is a cop out from taking responsibility for her actions. If she wasn’t happy, she should have let you know .

@ Toby73 Don't beat yourself over the head really. There are a million things you could've done better AND worst. This is all on her. She did this. By the sounds of it, she is definitely still deep in The Affair Fog. People in The Fog act irrationally. She keeps releasing oxytocin like crazy and she isn't smart enough to understand it.

I really do not know how deep in the rabbit hole you want to go with this but... you ought not believe a single thing she says about the affair. Expect her to minimize, trickle-truth and lie to you left and right. Whatever # she threw at you, it's most likely much higher. Besides, to me, it sounds like they knew each other intimately past a week. Did you ever look into your wife's online search history? She may have sought escort services at one point or another, or may hay joined a forum to discuss her fetish (which is where/when the other guy comes in). In any case, know that these things are only mentally alleviating in the short term. Long term, you will not care.

What you know is that 1) your wife cheated, 2) she is not happy and 3) she's having an intensely fetish-driven affair with someone of way lower status than you. This, to me, translates into garbage as far as I'm concerned. Mark my words, when the oxytocin stops, expect her to come back to you, apologizing about what she did and that she wants her old life back. This is why a divorce + a hard 180º is the best way to go about it IMHO.

[This message edited by Papi at 11:25 AM, Monday, March 11th]

That guy you fired. The one that MIGHT be sending the texts. Call him. Ask him if he’s sending those texts, and tell him that you have collected all texts to-date and that if you get one more your next visit is to the New York Office of Victims Services to press charges for virtual harassment. Make it clear that these guys cut through burner-phones, ip’s and other smart-ass skullduggery faster than a hot knife through warm butter. This is YOUR warning – a gift – as an old friend to save him from a legal hassle with fines and even possible time.
Something tells me that if it’s him then that enough could stop the texts.
If they persist… well… talk to the above service. Chances are it’s the OM, and based on what you have shared and discovered about him then a warning isn’t going to do much.

Her story is that she showed this guy a house (shes a real estate agent part time). He didnt end up buying the house but continued to text her on a friendly basis. According to her he "sweet talked her". They ended up meeting up in the parking lot she said for the first few meetings it was just talking then progressed to some kissing and holding hands. How does it go from that to a giant dildo? That doesnt just happen. I read the text where he said "Ill bring the lube and tissues". Shes definetly not telling me everything but she did tell me about the dildo because I thought the smell was from a condom at first. Im surprised she gave that info up she even described the size and texture to me. I told her I want the whole truth or Im going to expose this to everybody and tell her sisters husband that his wife is cheating too. Thats my ace in the hole for now.

Are you planning on having her submit to a polygraph?

@ Toby73 She's definitely covering up a lot. Her telling you about the dildo thing is her just trying to throw you off the scent of something else but... at this point, do you really care? Based on what you've said, and I've read hundreds of stories to preface what I'm about to say, you ARE NOT going to like what you find. Heck, you may find things that may irate you so much you may want to slap her.

Dude, there's no bringing back what you had. Your wife is no longer.

You're 6'5", in shape and have a managerial job (meaning you make "mucho dinero"). You'll have ladies throwing themselves at you. Good quality ladies too.

180º her immediately.

[This message edited by Papi at 7:43 PM, Monday, March 11th]

@Papi
I was thinking the same thing. Why would she give up info on the dildo so easily thats not like her. Maybe she is trying to throw me off shes been known to do that with fake names ect. I was thinking it was a condom smell at first. I put my hand down there and I smelled latex on my hand real strong smell. I got a little on my lips because I touched my mouth (I know f**cken gross) but all i can say I felt like a tingling feeling on my lips. I was thinking a condom would have some kind of spermacide or something like that or was it the powder from a rubber glove you know where im going with this. Maybe she was doing some S&M type shit with this guy. Hard to believe shes the typical soccer/baseball/PTA mom and always a real prude in the bedroom. I cant even get 2 fingers without her complaining so its hard to believe but at this point anything is possible. Maybe the real estate thing is a story too and she met him on some forum who knows? Also were going wednesday for STD tesing im making her go keep you posted.

Make sure the STD testing includes blood work for HIV and Hepatitis. Often times those are not done unless asked for. But her behavior is reckless enough to warrant it.

Ugh.... Toby do you think your WW may have a female equivalent of the "Madonna/Whore Complex"?... a dysfunction where she could not do certain sexual acts with you because you were her husband that she freely gave to her AP? If so, this is far above the pay grade of SI and needs to be address by a psychiatrist because it usually is the result of being a sexual abuse survivor, a sex addict or NPDs

One of the worst stories here that I recall was AspectNorth-- a husband who was in a 20 year marriage whose wife gave him strictly missionary, very vanilla sex but with her AP it was a BDSM relationship where the WW was a submissive to her AP and gave the AP everything he asked for. Very disturbing and frustrating... just google "AspectNorth survivinginfidelity.com" It was in the General Forum about a year ago, created a vigorous and heated discussion and was very triggery... so be warned.