SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you for the clarification. I agree with you on all points.

although you may feel headed in a direction in your heart and mind

I re-read my response to you and it was pretty sharp, and then you added this and I think I read your post and saw my own internal struggles more than I saw your words. My apologies.

Guys, I think I fucking want a divorce.

Guys, I think I fucking want a divorce.

I wont purport to know your heart, but I have some idea of how big this is for you to say. I won’t cheer or offer condolences as I don’t think either strike the right tone, but I will say I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way, friend.

I am sorry- we are all here for you for that too. Sometimes the divide is too wide. Keep tapping into your own healing, that’s an investment you will never regret. Sending up prayers for all involved.

I know it's heart wrenching just to get to the point where you are sure you want a divorce. I feel for you IH. I wish you the best no matter the final outcome. An outcome that even now we don't know.

I don’t say it lightly, and please don’t hate me if I waffle the fuck out of this. But she can’t stop fucking up, and I can’t keep living like this.

So sorry to hear this. But, never worry about what a group of what well meaning internet friends think if you "waffle fuck" (I love that ) with this decision. It’s normal to have emotions all over the place. This shit ain’t easy whatever choice you make.

waffle fuck

Haha whyyyyyyyy

Please don’t ever worry about disappointing anyone here. You are the one that has to live with this, not us. When I say I’m proud - it’s because I see how far you’ve come, not because i have a vested interest in any particular outcome.

And honestly, who amongst us can claim not to have waffled. Not me.

And honestly, who amongst us can claim not to have waffled. Not me

Me either. I don’t think you can go through this without waffling unless you divorce on day one, but I know me I would have still had doubts

I feel like emergent, I think you have grown. Whatever the outcome is, you are taking control of you, and that is the path to healing. If you waffle, you are just following your own path.

Big moment IH. Sending you good vibes. Whether you back down, whether she comes to her senses and everything changes, whether you go ahead with it...

You will be OK.

I am really sorry it's (maybe) come to this. I was so hoping she'd get her shit together.

You've fought a long,hard battle. Anyone following your situation knows this. You've done absolutely everything you could. Never doubt that.

As to the waffling..you will. Because you love her. I get it. I've waffled so much in the last 6 months, I should change my username to Eggo. (I wont.. )

You're going to be ok, IH.

I am really sorry it's (maybe) come to this. I was so hoping she'd get her shit together.

Me too, and me too. But fuck, man, she just pulled the equivalent of a recovering alcoholic going to a bar, pulling up a stool and asking to smell the bottle of Jack. And I don’t think she fucking even sees it and still sees me being upset about it as more important than her act of betrayal and disloyalty. Her judgment is so flawed, her people pleasing is still ragingly stronger than any loyalty to me she might have, and I finally and actually believe I deserve better than that.

You've fought a long,hard battle. Anyone following your situation knows this. You've done absolutely everything you could. Never doubt that.

If I choose to divorce now, I believe I will have no "what ifs". I believe that I will be able to look back with a calm mind knowing that I made every reasonable effort (and maybe even some unreasonable ones) to fix this, and she was an unwilling partner, and even a saboteur. And I’m pretty sure that is not intentional and conscious in her, but it doesn’t matter any more. I’ve invested almost two years into this hell. I can stand before God and man with a clear conscience.

As to the waffling..you will. Because you love her. I get it. I've waffled so much in the last 6 months, I should change my username to Eggo. (I wont.. laugh )

First the exquisite responsive poetry and now some self reflection and humor. Woman, you are truly showing your range here. I also looked back at our first interaction here. You’ve been there for me longer and more consistently than anyone here, you’ve shown up in my darkest moments. I lack the words, and you know that is unusual for me.

I know it's heart wrenching just to get to the point where you are sure you want a divorce.

I chuckled to see that word come from you, Mr Bayesian Belief Network applied to intimate betrayal. You know damn well I’m not sure, but the scales have tipped so undeniably that it’s time to respond.

Also take a second to say another thanks to you, Fine. I’ve called it out before, but you are a big reason I got drawn into this community and you’ve helped me bring clarity to chaos many times.

And honestly, who amongst us can claim not to have waffled. Not me.

I think we can all agree that I’ve done it extensively and publicly, let’s not kid ourselves. But thank you for the continued support and comradarie.

waffle fuck

Oh lord.

You fought the good fight, IH. Whether you decide to call it or keep swinging, I know you'll continue to examine all angles and make your decision with thoughtfulness. You're a bad ass like that.

I am on your side IH. Sending you strength a clarity of thought.

I don’t say it lightly, and please don’t hate me if I waffle the fuck out of this. But she can’t stop fucking up, and I can’t keep living like this.

That is to be expected, I went back and read my journal the year and even into the second year and there were many days I "fucked the waffle"🤣. This is not linear, it was the hardest part for me. I do things step by step, when you accomplish step A & B you work on C, but not in this case you always fall back a step or two.

Sending you strength and support, InkHulk.

You are the one that has to live with this, not us.

This x 1000.

The only time that I get irritated with waffling is when a BS treats their own situation as complicated while asserting that everyone else's proper course of action is crystal clear. I don't mean people who realize in retrospect that they wish they'd handled things differently. (IMO, that's every single member on here, to varying degrees.) However, "I can't be expected to divorce because of xyz, but you should obviously D even though your xyz is identical to mine..." Yeah, that's getting the silent side eye from me.

That's never been you, Ink. You've been reasoned, compassionate, and supportive in meeting people where they are and encouraging them to use their own agency to respond to their own specific circumstances. You've never gone after anyone with an agenda to use them for your own catharsis. The only reason I'd be upset to see you waffling is if it prolonged your suffering. No matter how hard you listen, you won't hear me silently judging the time you take to be sure of what's right for you.