SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

As everyone here has experienced being able to trust after betrayal is difficult.

I have found that when I hear people talk negatively about others I see this as a red flag, someone that I can’t trust.

Is anyone else felt this way? I seem
to tolerate so much less . And I find I am more of a loner than I used to be.

I'm really struggling with this, too. I've never been suspicious of people in general and now I am. One of my married male colleagues was telling me about his upcoming marathon trip, where he'll run a marathon and then stay to see the sights of the city for a few days after, and all I could think of is 'he's definitely seeing his OW on this trip, the marathon is such a convenient excuse for him' and now I have a massive aversion to this man even though for all I know he's going on the trip with his wife and kids. And it seems to extend to everyone except my closest friends.

"I have found that when I hear people talk negatively about others I see this as a red flag, someone that I can’t trust.

Is anyone else felt this way? I seem
to tolerate so much less . And I find I am more of a loner than I used to be."

I do think negativity and unkindness are red flags.

Cheating and lying are self centered actions so by that definition cheaters are selfish and I think if you look closely enough you will find cheaters are selfish in other areas of their lives. My husband is. Not badly enough to wreck our marriage but enough that I get resentful from time to time. In most areas he will do what he can for me and the kids. He has anxiety that presents as a KISA with men and women. Only in that one specific area is he selfish. It is weird to me that he is.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 7:03 PM, Monday, April 8th]

Before my WH’s A I truly trusted everything he did and said. Blind trust I guess you would call it. I possessed blind trust not only for him, but pretty much everybody (friends, family, acquaintances). That blind trust is now gone and I will never possess that for anyone every again.

I don’t consider myself to be a naive person, but I’ve done much reflection since Dday and I have come to the realization that I was in fact extremely naive concerning the emotion of trust. I had a very innocent way of thinking about things and I truly believed in the greater good of mankind, but clearly this world is one fu&cked up place and this concept is now dead to me.

Now I’m probably going to question every little thing somebody does for me. For example, if a male coworker buys me a coffee to thank me for the hard work I’ve put in this week, is he just being nice or does that means he wants in my pants? Prior I would take it as a kind gesture, now I’m going to be second guessing his motives. Ugh. My mind is on high alert now.