You only think your aren’t like the rest of us because some of us have been at this a lot longer.
We all have done unforgivable things.terrible things here. We just don’t have a lot of new waywards at the moment. I sounded a lot like you when I got here seven years ago.
Unless you are holding him hostage he is making decisions too. I would t put guilt trips in him or anything loose that if he is trying to leave.But outside of that, he doesn’t want to let you go yet either.
I think you are too invested in the outcome of the relationship. Keep working on you. And as long as you do that you will be able to manage what comes. It’s so hard when it’s new. You are wrecked, your ba is wrecked, there is just so much pain all around. You have arrived at a place I think of as rock bottom, and that’s when things can only go up. You are being forced to look at yourself and change.
Self care is important. I know you think that’s selfish but it’s a little like being in an airplane and putting your oxygen on so you are able to help others. Adopt a gratitude practice. Each morning think about three things you are genuinely grewtaduk forZ reqlly try and feel the deep appreciation for them. And when things get hard look for that growing list of good things you have going on in your life. I know that sounds really beside the point of where you are. But it’s a brain rewiring technique.
It’s part of getting stronger, and changing the mindset that brought you here. I also would try and be mindful of your thinking. Don’t allow yourself to over think and chase things down rabbit holes. Try and be in the present moment as much as possible. Listen to your self talk and correct your bad thoughts by reaching for better ones:
I am learning.
I am doing my best today.
My best days are in front of me.
I am going to lead with live moving forward
I am committed to making healthy choices.
Those are just a few examples. But you need to get yourself to more positive thought patterns so that you can work on your coping skills. It takes 2-5 years for couples to recover from infidelity. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
You have to get to the point that you aren’t so steeped in shame that you can help both of you. Right now that Shane is an anchor that is dragging you down until you can’t breathe. That instability is only feeding your husbands newfound lack of security. It won’t go away over night. What are you working on in IC?