Hi Orchid, I like your handle, such a beautiful flower, I'm sure you're an equally beautiful person.
I get your just wanting to vent. If you share a little more about yourself this community can offer more comfort and some advice.
I fully understand the loneliness. I went through it myself many years ago. Like you my wayward wife confessed to me having cheated on me with her boss. She could have chosen to end it and never said anything. I would never have known., never suspected anything. I often wish she didn't confess.
We were very young, I was devastated., couldn't speak. At first I ran away that night, afterwards I withdrew. Neither of us told anyone. In this community it's called rugsweeping. Not recommended.
At the time all I knew was I felt bad, real bad. We both had good family, in laws all grew up together and get along. No issues, yet neither of us confided with our families.
When you don't deal with a trauma like this up front right away it will come back and get you even worse later. This was my case.
Over 3 decades later my daughter shares with us she has been the victim of infidelity twice. I was shocked and sent back 3 decades to my d day. All the pain came rushing back.
This time I sought the help of a counselor. She helped explore the feelings and not just say I feel awful but describe them more accurately. Loneliness is
one of the big ones.
My wife doesn't understand why I can't get out of the past
I had no one to talk to for over 30 years. I have managed to get along. Successful at work, retired, active in community and civic organizations. She compares herself to me like I'm something special.
Looking back I think all my endeavors and achievements were an attempt to make up for the inadequacy I felt about myself as a result of the infidelity. I also put up a guard around myself, no one was going to ever hurt me like that again.
The results are, I have a lot of friends but I don't have a best friend. My good friends are only so close.
My wife talked about feeling lonely the other day. I shared with her how lonely I have felt over the years even when in a room full of colleagues and friends. It's awful
The days, weeks, months following d day are the loneliest times you can imagine. Seek out some help don't go through this alone.
I'm hoping the best for you.