Hello, and I hope you are all having a wonderful day and a beautiful weekend. Kiss those children for me, for those of you who are parents. All of you with families and children don't know how lucky you are. I haven't written on here in quite a long time. To be honest, I felt really awkward and uncomfortable after the last time I posted here so I wasn't sure if anyone really wanted me to come back. I feel maybe I handled some things wrong or maybe I just communicated it not the right way. I hope many of you will forgive any mistakes I made in the past and help me out this time. I honestly really do have nobody else I can turn to. Unfortunately, and the few years since I last posted on this forum, things have not gotten better for me. Things have taken a turn for the worst. I am speaking mostly about work but other things too. I need some advice because I am struggling. I know some of you have had struggles too and have had infidelity problems affecting performance at work, as I read a few of those posts from some of you, so I'm wondering if there is any advice for me with what is going on with my own job.
Looking back at my last posts, it seems I stopped writing on here a few months after I started a new teaching job. This job switch was not my choice. Actually, I did not change employers at all, just transferred to a different school within the same district. I have been teaching in this district for a total of 32 years if you count from the beginning of my official full-time employment. I was at my previous school for over 20 years and things were getting ready to difficult for me by the year, and then they told me they were cutting my position which is why I had the force transfer. I didn't have many options available so I picked the one that seemed like the best possible option, or actually the least worst option, and I got in but unfortunately that school proved to be a disaster for me. I struggled immensely. All of the problems that I had had at the previous school were amplified times five at this new school. I constantly had classes that were literally overflowing with students, way more than the maximum of 34 in a classroom. Sometimes I didn't have enough desks. The students would never listen to me or let me get a word in edgewise. I have always struggled with classroom management but it was even worse at this school. I thought it would be an okay school because it was located in the same section of the city where I live, went to Catholic school, and previously worked, which is an okay section of the city, but I was wrong. It seems that they bus in kids from all over the city including some of the really hard inner city neighborhoods. Management was grossly unsupportive. They never provided me with enough supplies, let alone nearly enough paper so I could make photocopies for all of the extra students I had. When they did evaluations, they never gave me any forewarning like they were supposed to and they always came down harshly especially with classroom management. I constantly felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I felt like my life was spiraling out of control, no matter how hard I worked and how many all-nighters I would pull.
On top of that, what made my job even harder it was how they wouldn't let me stay late at work. At my previous school, I could stay until a little after 7:00 p.m. at school to photocopy, Great papers and peace, and get things set up around my classroom. I would stay as long as I could and always ended up getting told to leave by the head janitor when she was ready to lock up the building for the night so I would bring work home. I suppose I should have been more grateful to even have until 7:00 p.m. to work on stuff in my classroom because at this school, they would shut down everything at 5:30 p.m. sharp. I was constantly bringing work home and I was constantly getting interference from my long-time sort-of boyfriend R, and occasionally my brother. It seemed like the more I told R that I needed rest or Time by myself to get caught up on the mountains of papers I had to grade from my very large classes, the more he would find excuses to stay and try to distract me. He did offer to help design lesson plans, but truthfully, although I appreciate his help he seemed to do more harm than good. They follow a whole different format with lesson plans and everything here, another hurdle that has monopolized my time by having to relearn a whole new system of stuff. So while he meant well, it didn't really help cut down my workload any. I would have to go back and edit and change stuff anyway. Most of the time I would end up not even using the lesson plans he had written, but I would wait until after he left for the night to rewrite them so he wouldn't know so to not hurt his feelings.
It all came to a head in early spring 2022. I had already been written up for scoring less than the required minimum score on the teacher formal observation rubric. A week after this embarrassing writeup, the principal and vice principal called me into the office and told me that they would be putting me on a performance improvement plan. Then they asked me what my future plans were. I told them that I only had a little over 5 years remaining until I planned to retire (the minimum time needed to qualify for full pension). They asked if I was considering anything else, which I found odd and puzzling, since I was only 5 years away from retirement age. Then they told me a lot of really hurtful things such as that they felt teaching was not for me, that this job was not a good fit and that the teaching field as a whole probably wasn't either, and that they recommended perhaps I find a different line of work. I tried to stick up for myself and reason with them that I would try my best to do better, that I had already spent the last couple of nights at home scouring over the feedback from the last observation so I could learn from it and find things I could do better. They asked me if I would consider taking some time off, offered me approval to go on fmla. I felt very offended by this. I had nothing wrong with me! I was not sick, nor did I have any family members I was responsible for. Then they recommended I take a sabbatical for a year to rejuvenate myself and to figure out a plan and direction for my future. 😞 I will admit I was crestfallen by this. Although a former colleague friend had been urging me to take a sabbatical the year before, shortly before that school had decided to cut my position, and I did regret not taking sabbatical, it seemed like a slap in the face it was being almost forced on me. But I didn't want to risk losing my job so close to my retirement pension eligibility so I decide to take them up on it even though it meant having my salary slashed in half for that year I wouldn't be teaching.
So for the last school year, I was not teaching. I will admit, although I felt her that I was being practically pushed into signing up for sabbatical, I really have enjoyed my year off. I have had plenty of extra time to go to the gym, including times that R was not aware I would be going, so no worries that he might come and park behind my car in the driveway and limit me from going. I have been able to take lots of great walks, go to museums, and really relax. For one of the first times in a long time I was able to actually enjoy the Christmas holidays for once. My brother and I mended things and he invited me up for Thanksgiving and Christmas to spend with his family which was really special. I really enjoyed my time off and now I am facing having to go back to work. There is no way around it. When someone takes sabbatical, they are contracted to work for at least a full year upon the return or else they have to pay back the income they received from the district during the sabbatical. So there is no getting around that. I can't just find another job. I have to go back. I am frantic and worried because 2 years ago was literally the school year from hell for me. I never thought anything could get worse than the year before that, but it did.
I am supposed to respond through the union about how I want to proceed. Here is my problem. Around late may, near the end of the school year, one of the vice principals reached out to me and told me that while technically I can come back to the position I left, she recommends I elect to work at a different location. I thought about it but that just makes me panic more. I would have to start fresh all over again, at a school that would most likely be a lot farther away than this one is. I also know from talking to the union that I have every right to return back to the job I left when I returned from approved leave including sabbatical. So I will be returning, as a union told me I can, but now I am worried that the vice principal is going to make it hard for me.
I feel like I have nobody else to talk to about this. My brother has been less than empathetic and he keeps getting impatient every time I bring up job problems. He is quick to snap about how he has a lot more pressure on his shoulders because if he makes a misstep with handling the company stocks, he could lose them millions of dollars. R is not someone I would want to talk to about this because he hasn't worked in quite some time. He is lucky that he can get by with just his cash out retirement, and heritage from his late father, and his two properties that he can rent out. I am worried about going back in a few weeks. Next week to be exact. I am in my last week of Summer vacation. What do I do?