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Melatonin Gummies are helpful for sleep too, and you don't feel any residual fog when you wake up

She just signed up for a free trial on Kindle and downloaded "Not 'Just Friends'" and is listening to the audio book version right now. Well, we both are.

I hope it helps you both.

I also hope she does something with the information too.

I hope it helps you both.

I also hope she does something with the information too.

Me too. She really has turned the corner tho. She's doing and saying all the right things now. We listened to a couple of hours last night, and I paused and clarified some of the analogies being used. Her head injury makes understanding analogies and complex topics difficult for her. It also makes her kind of impulsive, not carefully consider consequences, or think things through very well sometimes. We'll be married for 27 years this coming June 6th, and this is the first time anything like this has happened. What really burns my ass is, I've had opportunities over the years. A few of them with 3 different girls. Every time one was presented, all I could think about was my wife, and what it would do to her. To us. It wasn't worth it. This was before I had my breakdown and withdrew from everyone. There was no way I could go through with something like that. I stayed faithful to her, and it would have been so easy for me to stray.

I see you've been through the wringer and managed to reconcile. Sorry you had to go through that. Twice, no less, but gives me a little hope seeing that you managed to reconcile and make it work. I think we can, too. She's pretty messed up and hates herself for doing this right now. She put her head in my lap and started sobbing while saying she's so sorry last night. I was receptive to her, but at the same time it's whatever. As far as I'm concerned she should be feeling bad. I have no sympathy to spare for her on that at the moment. I haven't forgiven her, and I told her that. I don't know if I ever will. I do still love her, tho, and she's really gone over the top, above and beyond to convince me she feels the same way. She didn't hesitate to create an account and download "Not Just Friends." I figured it could be something she'd listen to at work, but she started it right away, right in front of me, so we sat on the couch last night and listened to it for a couple of hours together.

I'm still learning new details. The A didn't last long. It didn't take long to get started either. There was no real "friendship" period. He started pursuing her and made his intentions clear right off the bat, sending her messages over FB, which turned into voice chats, then plans to meet at a hotel room. He knew she was married, and he knew it was a troubled marriage. Not that i place the blame solely on him. It takes 2 to tango, and she jumped right into it recklessly and carelessly.

Good to hear she took the proactive action to download the book and listen to it with you. With her cognitive issues it is good to listen together and question for understanding.

You should be discussing what "trust" means going forward. Can she understand the concept of trust and how fragile it can be. Can you together come up with scenarios of how to handle boundaries built on trust? Even play-acting those scenarios to ensure her responses become innate when those instances become real in day to day life can be important.

I write this knowing you want to reconcile. Know that is not necessarily what I would do, but I understand that is important to you so I want to support those efforts.

She should read "how to help your spouse heal… " next. It will be useful for her to hear the most important steps to rebuilding a relationship after infidelity.

Good to hear she took the proactive action to download the book and listen to it with you. With her cognitive issues it is good to listen together and question for understanding.

You should be discussing what "trust" means going forward. Can she understand the concept of trust and how fragile it can be. Can you together come up with scenarios of how to handle boundaries built on trust? Even play-acting those scenarios to ensure her responses become innate when those instances become real in day to day life can be important.

I write this knowing you want to reconcile. Know that is not necessarily what I would do, but I understand that is important to you so I want to support those efforts.

She should read "how to help your spouse heal… " next. It will be useful for her to hear the most important steps to rebuilding a relationship after infidelity.

She's getting it. We've been having a lotmof conversations about trust, what it means, and what it takes to rebuild it. "I'm telling you the truth now" doesn't mean much when there were lies previously. It's going to take a lot of time and consistent behavior to start building that back again. It's really starting to sink in for her now.

It's funny you brought up play acting scenarios because that is what I did with her. We ran through a few scenarios and discussed what she'd do or say in given situations. She's understanding the concepts of walls and windows now, and I've set some hard bpundaries that she's on board with.

I hear you, and appreciate the support nonetheless. We've been together for almost 28 years, and for all that time she's stuck with me through a lot. She put up with a lot during my dark years. She's otherwise been a very good and loving wife. I know what she did was wrong, and that her awful choice was not my fault. She did it knowing it was wrong. There were many other ways this could have been dealt with and had a similar outcome as far as us reconnecting. I told her, "had you just come to me and told me how you were feeling, like you didnt have a husband, that you were craving attention and intimacy, that someone else was starting to show it to you and you were considering it... I would have reacted. But you didn't even give me a chance. You betrayed me. This is killing me. Look at the damage you've done." She just put her head in my lap, apologized, asked for forgiveness, and started sobbing.

This is something that NO ONE saw coming from her. Not even herself, tho I know they all say that. Her mother, who she's very close to, was shocked. I think we still have something. If it's hysterical bonding, we've been at it for several weeks now with no signs of letting up. (I introduced her to that term and she hates it) There hasn't been an adrenaline dump. There are aspects of this that feel genuinely like a new relationship. She's been calling me every day from work to tell me she's thinking about me and misses me. They turn into hour to 2 hour long conversations that fly by and only feel like minutes. Lots of text messages, lots of transparency. She's replaced gossiping with her friends with confiding in me. No more huddling in another room on the phone behind closed doors. I've made myself available and safe for her to come to about anything. She's been voluntarily going over her messages with me without me even asking and still hasn't changed her passcode. I'm not detecting any deception or secrets anymore, and I'm almost certain I would if there were any.

I don't think I mentioned this before. When I had snooped through her messages I saw that she had painted me as the bad guy. Some was true, some was completely false. Yes, I've had my issues, but it takes 2 to tango, and she hasn't always been miss innocence. Clearly she was justifying to her friends why she did what she did and was fishing for support and sympathy. I confronted her about it, we had our argument over "invading her privacy." To which I pointed out that she backed me into a corner by hiding shit and lying to me which left me feeling I had no other choice if I wanted to find out the truth. We settled the argument, she conceded and didn't blame me for looking.

Over the next couple of days she messaged or called her friends, and her mother, with a more accurate version of what happened. She admitted that what she did was wrong, she made a huge mistake, and that I didn't deserve what happened. She admitted that she hadn't been entirely honest and set the record straight on a few different things. She showed me the messages and apologized. That really meant a lot, and to me it demonstrates that she's sincere in wanting to fix this.

I can only hope this behavior continues. I haven't been snooping, but she's willing to open up her messages and contacts list and show me her conversations anytime I ask, and has even randomly volunteered to just show them to me. I'm no longer sensing deceptiveness or secretiveness on her part, but I sure was at the start of this nightmare. She's just not very good at it. To all outward appearances she's being very transparent and showing me she's very remorseful and wants to make this work.

A mistake is forgetting to grab a gallon of milk at the store. She made conscious decisions to betray you and lie.

This is much more than an oopsie. It's minimizing what she has done and the trauma that can cause.

Think about all the steps that would take and boundaries that were crossed. She made hundreds of not thousands of decisions to have an A.

Right now she's listening to "how to help your spouse heal from betrayal." Picked it up on Audible for only 7 bucks. Looks like a relatively short read. Little over 2 hours. She started crying about a half hour in, looked at me, and just said "I'm sorry." We started out listening to it together, but I had to go. She still listening right now while I'm out and about.

That’s really good to hear. I recently found out a friend is a WH. I immediately pointed him to that book. He’s trying hard to stay with his wife. He said that book helped him a lot in those efforts.

It's a good book and really drills home the damage an affair has on a relationship. What was good tonhear is that she's already modeling a lot of the behaviors and suggestions outlined in the book, and is more than willing to follow the advice given in other areas. It really opened her eyes on where my head's at, and just how devastating this has been for me. She really didn't think this through at all.

As of now she despises her AP. Is disgusted with him and herself for allowing this to happen. He went after her knowing she was married and didn't give 2 shits about the problems it would cause for her, me, or our marriage. "Great guys" don't pursue married women. She truly wants no contact with him at all anymore and makes that clear to me often. This of course doesn't absolve her of her responsibility in this. She was a willing participant, but she does now see him as toxic and poisonous to our relationship.

A mistake is forgetting to grab a gallon of milk at the store. She made conscious decisions to betray you and lie.

This is much more than an oopsie. It's minimizing what she has done and the trauma that can cause.

Think about all the steps that would take and boundaries that were crossed. She made hundreds of not thousands of decisions to have an A.

You are of course, right. I get that. She does, too. It's just a common colloquial use of the phrase. She also says things like "I fucked up bad. Really bad, I'm so sorry." Or "this is the worst decision I've ever made in my life," "I hate myself for doing this to you," and things of that nature as well. I used what you said about the number of decisions it took for it to get to the point it did and pointed it out to her. She knows it's far beyond a simple mistake or an "oopsie." She's showing me genuine remorse, not just regret, but true remorse. I'm really feeling it from her.