SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Briefly - my wife had an affair 15 years ago, we rugswept, and I've made little progress. She shows little to no sexual interest in my. She is very verbally affectionate and tells me she loves me often, and I believe it. However, I'm struggling badly. So...

...I've just started IC. I went to Relate (UK-based marriage guidance) for a few sessions but it was too "cozy" (and I went on my own), so I've found a therapist. It's difficult to know exactly why I'm there. I suppose it can only be to find the courage to take whatever next steps are necessary to get me out of the regular bouts of depression, caused by my wife's affair and our virtually non-existent sex life, that I have maybe three or four times a year.

With a few reservations, SI is excellent. However, for me, it came too late, I think - I didn't find it until well over a decade after the affair. By not acting correctly after Dday, I seem to have dug myself into a massive hole, which I'm struggling to get out of.

Quite a few of you have offered me constructive thoughts, which I'm very grateful for, but I really feel I have a long way to go. One thing I've observed - and I wonder whether others have seen the same thing - is that post-affair BSs who divorce are usually the quickest to move on, and the happiest. I suppose that's not surprising, really. Wish me strength.

Wishing you strength.

For me, therapy is therapy, whether it's physical, occupational or mental. I told my therapist that I expected therapy to be a workout.

Have a treatment plan. What are your goals and how will you measure that? One way to think of it is you're at Point A and you want to get to Point B. What mile markers will you pass to know you're going in the right direction. Another way to look at it is that you're going to battle. What do you want to do? You want to win. What's your battle plan?

Good luck!