SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

D day was about 6 weeks ago, going on 7 now. I was talking to my WW about some of the details of the affair, and was asking questions. Questions that would have answers that fall inside my limits of what I'd want to know, and she blurted out a detail that I did not ask about or want to hear, and now it's all I can think about. I have this mental image/movie in my head and it won't go away. It's affecting my sleep and my mood.

I'm trying not to dwell on it or bring it up, but I can't help it. It's like pure torture. I feel like d day just happened all over again. I keep wanting to shove it in my wife's face and really drive home the pain this is causing me, but I don't want to keep beating the same horse over and over. I've made it abundantly clear that I didn't want to hear that, but if I keep harping on it, it's just going to be counter productive.

Her take is "you wanted honesty, and I'm being honest with you." Yeah, sure, but there's a difference between being honest and bludgeoning someone with the truth, ffs. If you've seen my other threads you know my wife has epilepsy and a mild learning disability caused by head trauma, has some trouble with empathy, and sometimes lacks a filter. I know she didn't do it to be cruel, but goddamnit man. If I keep it up it she might just withdraw, not feel safe telling me things and set back the progress she's made.

I just want these images and thoughts to go away. I've tried different grounding techniques and nothing works. I just wish this nightmare would end. I really do want to work this out, and she does as well. She's putting in the work and really doing a lot of the right things, which is an accomplishment for her. She's been very conscientious and considerate in ways she never has before. Her goal is to be a better wife in every way she can, and she's made that very clear to me. She really is trying hard, but she really did a number on me. On us. I feel like I'm losing my freaking mind over here.

All that said, we did have a long, deep talk about actual d day yesterday, and she said a lot of the right things to help me work through a lot of it. Expressed sincere remorse and apologized profusely for how that particular day went down. She's constantly telling me that she loves me, I'm her whole world, and offering what comfort and reassurance she can. I'm a little more at peace with it now, but this new detail has replaced the anxiety I was having over d day. We're having a lot of good days, and really taking advantage of the hysterical bonding, but when I get down or start dwelling, which is fairly often, it feels like I'm never going to get out of this pit.

*Edit: You know, posting about it here is somewhat cathartic. Thank you SI team for making this site. It's a treasure trove of information and support. I don't feel alone, and I don't feel like I'm literally going crazy. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through. When I'd heard about affairs before, I always knew they were a bad thing, but until you go through it, you can never know just how much damage it does, or the depth of the pain it causes. It really is awful, but knowing that one way or another things do get better is so helpful.

[This message edited by Pogre at 4:35 PM, Friday, May 30th]

I am truly sorry for what happened that brought you here.

I am sure others will be along to weigh in on your post soon.

This stuff is just so hard.