SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A Christmas crash out…

Dday was in March. Found out about multiple EAs. H swore there was nothing more. I gave him every opportunity to be transparent and tell me everything. Maybe if he had, then we wouldn’t be in this position now, or maybe the separation would have happened then.
Unfortunately, Sunday I found out that he has been lying, weird. There were PAs, in fact, there were many. I am so mad. Friends, friends of friends, randoms. People knew. He bragged about them to his Buddies. I cannot stay with him any longer. I would be disrespecting myself, now knowing what I know. We decided that we would get through Christmas, but then today he was hugging me and making sexual comments and I unraveled. He had the audacity to say to me tonight "ya, okay, I hooked up with a couple chicks… I would never do that now". I cannot explain the color of red I saw in that moment. Thankfully I kept my grace. I told him I am moving out with our child. That I cannot be with someone who loves like he does. I’m mad that he has wasted, yet another year of my life. I’m mad that so many people knew. I’m also so freaking mad at myself that I’ve put up with this for so long. I knew, I didn’t accept the thought, but deep down, I knew. I believed him. I trusted him, even though I shouldn’t have. I don’t believe he has remorse, I believe he is upset because he got caught and is now having to deal with the consequences. So anyways, I have decided that, for my sanity and to heal, I have to move out and get out of the cycle.

There is a strange peace when you reach the point where you know what you have to do. It doesn’t make it easy or less painful, but you have certainty in what your path forward needs to be.

My therapist kept telling me "you’ll know when you know" and i really didn’t understand until we had another DDAY and then BOOM. I knew, and it all made sense.

The roller coaster continues for a while, but it is nearing the end of the very shitty ride.

Please read the pinned post fear vs reality at the top of this forum, and retain a really good lawyer who will help you get what you are entitled to.
(Visit a few of the best lawyers in town - once you engage them for an interview then he cannot use them. Find the one you think will work for you.)

Meanwhile start implementing the 180 to help you detach.

You will get through this and 2026 will be a much better year. Best of luck to you!

My therapist said the same thing ("You'll know when you know") and was also right. We all have a breaking point, and it sounds like you've reached your Arae. The timing is terrible (not that there is ever a good time! But the holidays - ugh), and what he's done is also terrible. Don't let him DARVO or guilt you into staying. Divorce is hard, and it takes a lot of strength, but you're going to start feeling so much better once he's out of your life.