SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Several months before my wife's affair she was given an additional anti seizure med called Keppra. This drug comes with a whole host of nasty side effects that include increased aggression, hostility, irritability, mood swings, personality changes, and a few others.

Now, we both acknowledge that she's responsible for her decisions, but keppra is infamous for changing people. I've joined a few epilepsy groups on Facebook and the overwhelming consensus is to avoid keppra. So many people have lost friends, family, and yes, even marriages while on it. There's even a term for it, "keppra rage."

She's ultimately responsible for the choices she made, but it can't be ignored that when she had her affair it wasn't too long after she finished titration to the dosage she's at now. It did change her. We started arguing over everything and she became a different person. She's been on it for well over a year now, and seems to have adjusted to it. Which is something it's also known for. Some people do adjust. She's back to her old lovable self and I'd daresay even happy now.

She had another seizure a couple of months ago (25-30 second absence seizure, not a full blown grand mal), and her Dr wants to increase her dosage, but she's terrified of the side effects. We've done a deep dive on it, and it is known to really screw some people up. I know we're all hesitant to place any blame on external sources here, but from my reading it very well could have been a pretty big factor with her decision making and personality changes. She was not the same for several months. Obviously we don't want her to have another seizure, but damnit, we're back to a pretty good place again now and really don't want to rock the boat on these still choppy seas.

She hasn't increased her dose yet, and I think we're going to explore some alternatives. I'm being told that briviact is a good one to switch to, or even just taking vitamin b6 with keppra helps a lot. We're going to have a discussion with her neurologist about it. The thing is, it does have a really good track record for controlling seizures.

I'm not looking for, nor do I expect any medical advice here, but just wanted to vent a little bit. The more I read, the more I think she would have never done this if it weren't for keppra. It really did number on her. We were together for almost 28 years when she had her affair, and there was never even a hint of a possibility she'd ever do something like this. It absolutely changed her.

Pogre, I'm not a doctor and I have a minor background in neuroscience, but yes, hormones, drugs, and brain damage can all cause drastic changes in human behavior. Does it explain why she cheated? Hard to say for sure, of course. I totally get why you and she would be nervous about upping her dosage.

Remember that doctors are not omniscient, especially so in neuroscience/neurology. They are doing their best to help patients with the knowledge and understanding that they have, but it is okay for patients to push back. It's okay (and often necessary, as in my own case) to advocate for ourselves and the circumstances of our lives and our bodies. Your wife has the right to refuse treatment, to ask for alternatives, and to get second or third opinions. US health insurance can be a nightmare, but patients still have some rights.

That said, I'm sorry that you and she are having to make these kinds of choices. I hope her neurologist (or another neurologist) will be able to offer some alternative paths that are less stressful and still effective.

I’m sorry you are facing this terrible situation. I hope you find a solution that works for you. Without terrible side effects.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 9:48 PM, Saturday, January 31st]

She is on medication so it is always wise to be under strict medical monitoring for every change.

As you both understand the risks and side effect, the best and most sensible thing to do is to consult another specialist to ask for a second opinion, explaining the historical situation and your fears that it might have played a role in the issues.

With a better scope another doctor could recommend a different course of actions or validate the risk benefits of increasing the dosage.
I am not updated on the matter (not my area of expertise anyway) so this is the best suggestion I can give you

Due to a medical condition (not epilepsy) - my son has been on seizure medicine for almost 20 years. At first he was on Dilantin - but his neurologist says it can cause tremors after long term use - so she switched him to Keppra. The change in him was instantaneous and horrible. He became agitated, angry, extremely argumentative. His daughter was three at the time and he became verbally abusive to her and other family members. He knew how he was acting was wrong - but said he had a hard time controlling his emotions. We talked to his neurologist and she immediately switched him to another medication (don't know if I am allowed to name the medication).
The change in his was amazing. He is now back to his even tempered, sweet disposition. He has apologized to family members for his "shitty" behavior - but we all assured him we knew it was the medication and not him.

I can tell you that the "keppra rage" is real - I saw it in my son and have read other people's story of how keppra affected them.

I hope your wife is able to find the best dosage and medication for her. Good luck and best wishes.

Due to a medical condition (not epilepsy) - my son has been on seizure medicine for almost 20 years. At first he was on Dilantin - but his neurologist says it can cause tremors after long term use - so she switched him to Keppra. The change in him was instantaneous and horrible. He became agitated, angry, extremely argumentative. His daughter was three at the time and he became verbally abusive to her and other family members. He knew how he was acting was wrong - but said he had a hard time controlling his emotions. We talked to his neurologist and she immediately switched him to another medication (don't know if I am allowed to name the medication).
The change in his was amazing. He is now back to his even tempered, sweet disposition. He has apologized to family members for his "shitty" behavior - but we all assured him we knew it was the medication and not him.

I can tell you that the "keppra rage" is real - I saw it in my son and have read other people's story of how keppra affected them.

I hope your wife is able to find the best dosage and medication for her. Good luck and best wishes.

Oh, man. You do know what I'm talking about!

She's past the rage stage and mellowed right back out. I think her body has gotten used to it so she's right back to her old sweetheart self again now. The shift in her personality was dramatic, and so was the shift back as her body adjusted to the slowly increasing doses over time once it became steady and consistent. She also takes dilantin. He added keppra on top of it.

I think this is part of the reason R is going as well and as soon as it has for us, because she really wasn't herself and I knew that it was messing with her head. She feels absolutely horrible about the way she acted and some of the things she's done. Her grief and remorse are very sincere. It's palpable. While I'm still incredibly hurt, I've already forgiven a lot because I know that really wasn't her. She was being influenced by a powerful drug she didn't ask for with a reputation for turning people into monsters. I, too have read a a lot of accounts of what it can do to people.

I think we're going to hold fast to her current dosage, and if she has another seizure we're going to insist on switching to something else. She wants nothing to do with another increase, I have my wife back, amd don't want to go down that road again. There are quite a few different meds that can be tried.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience. Thank you for that.

Our son's neurologist admitted that finding effective medication is a "crapshoot" (her word !). So glad your wife is tolerating her current dosage well.

I made a Facebook post about it in one of the epilepsy groups (not mentioning the infidelity part) and someone replied with this:

"I was on Keppra for awhile.... I lost all my friends and most my family from the rage. I almost lost myself. It took some time for us to understand what was happening and what was causing this. Thankfully, I'm over that. On to other meds now. Of course I've been diagnosed as Refractory/Intractable.

I average between 4-6 tonic seizures a month and I am sure I have no idea how many absent seizures. Get yourself a specialized EPILEPTOLOGIST vs a neurologist. Find a different medication. There are plenty of other medications."

I'm receiving dozens of similar replies. Someone posted a "The Waterboy" meme that reads "Keppra is the devil!"

That poor guy, having 4 - 6 tonic seizures a month... my wife's are pretty well under control at this point. She has 3 or 4 very mild absence seizures a year. Juuuust enough that she's not safe to drive. Boy, that combined with her keppra rage sure led to a lot of arguments. She HATED being told she wasn't safe to drive anymore, but damnit. She could end up dead and possibly take some people with her. I REFUSED to give in on that. That was a source of great distress and many arguments. Of course her AP used that to make me look like I was just an asshole because he's a fucking idiot and drives with the same condition.

The whole thing was such a frigging mess. I'm so glad she's leveled out now. Every time they increased her dose it was like another wave of misery not only for her, but everyone around her.

The background. My friend is married to the kindest man I’ve ever met. His children say he is, his wife says he is. They have been married many years with grown children. She did not tell me why she was put on a short term medicine because it was not a seizure. That was not the point of the conversation. What the point of the conversation was this gentle, sweet woman was put on some medication and immediately started plotting her husband‘s murder. She would have nothing to do with him and would go into a room by herself to figure out how to kill him and get away with it. When she finally came off the medicine, she was appalled at where that violent, vicious thinking came from because she never has it otherwise. I don’t know what the medication was.
I can tell you when my doctor switched my estrogen pill from one to the other. I went into a black hole of despair immediately. I called him and he told me to flush those things away immediately and put me back on my original dosage. Please please please go to some doctor that works with you and your wife on a daily basis because you do not want that same reaction again.

This is a tough one for me. What she did was pretty unforgivable, but she also wasn't herself at all. That med changed her. When I posted my first thread here I said that I thought our situation was an outlier, for which I caught some gentle flak over, but I'm more convinced now that it's true. We are an outlier. When I caught onto what was going on was right around when she finished titrating. Within a couple of weeks she was back to her normal self, and the realization of what she'd done hit her really hard. She's been nothing but remorseful, apologetic, and very contrite.

I really don't think she would have done this in a vacuum. There was a convergence of events that led to it, but I really believe if it weren't for her new med she would never have done this. I've really immersed myself into this world, and I've seen very few, if any WS turn it around so fast and react the way my wife did when she snapped out of it. She did a complete 180. She hates AP now. He also has epilepsy and she wished death by seizure on him. If you knew her, you'd know just how drastic and out of character it is for her to say something like that. She's hyper sensitive and very empathetic to the condition and those who have seizures. I was floored when she said that.

I believe she's remorseful. I believe she hates what happened. She hates being epileptic. She hates having to take meds that screw with her head. I actually feel bad for her, and that's tempered my response. She literally lost control. So here I am, incredibly hurt and betrayed, but by someone who wasn't fully in control of her faculties at the time she did it.

She had seizures starting at 4 months old when she fell off of a bed and hit her head pretty bad. Her Dr's told her parents she'd never be able to walk, talk, or basically function normally at all. Her parents were told she should never have children. However, when she was 11 she stopped having seizures. They even took her off of all meds. She ended up graduating high school and even managed to earn a partial scholarship. She got her license, a decent job, and was very independent. We met in our late 20s, got married and have a son who's out of the house now and doing well.

Her seizures came back in her mid 30s out of nowhere after almost 25 years being seizure free. At first we thought it was a one-off, then 2 years later she had another, then a year later another. They eventually increased in frequency until they were happening 3 or 4 times a year. She had to stop driving and lost some of her independence. She was pretty devastated. It's been really hard on her, then they added the damned keppra at the end of '24 and all hell broke loose.

She really is a sweetheart and very unique. She's not what anyone would consider handicapped or anything, but she is wired a little differently. She was a virgin when I met her. At 27 years old! She was saving herself for marriage. She didn't drink, smoke, or experiment with drugs. She barely even used foul language. She's been loyal, faithful, and very loving for almost our entire marriage. If anything, I was the bad boy. I partied and misbehaved plenty in my youth, but she captured my heart. We were (are) really in love. She changed, a lot, after taking keppra.

This whole thing has been devastating for both of us. Her grief is palpable, and it isn't her just feeling sorry for herself or upset that she got caught. She's devastated that she hurt me. She tells me constantly that she hates herself for doing this to me, and not only says it, but her actions align with it. She's even nicer and sweeter than before, and she's maintained that every day, every minute for over 9 months now. She's done everything I've asked of her without so much as a hesitation. Everything. During that whole time I can't think of a disagreement that led to an argument that wasn't about the affair, and those involve her just letting me rant while she cries and apologizes. Even then I'm not slamming her or being mean. I'm careful and mindful of the fact that stress can trigger seizures (tho it's unfortunate that she did the most stressful thing you can do to a marriage...). It's just me expressing my feelings and upset that it happened. We've yet to go to bed angry without making up.

We're tempted to just take her off of it altogether, but it seems to be doing very well with controlling her seizures. She's had 2 in the last year and a half, and they were very mild. Since they stopped upping her dose she seems to have gotten back to her normal baseline, and that does appear to be how it works. The rage and behavioral changes hit hardest as they're titrating, then go away once it's consistent.

It's such a mess, but we do seem to be on track to healing, and at a faster pace than most. Now that we're both more aware, we're going to continue to closely monitor her behavior. I ask her every day how she's feeling. If she's feeling angry or out of sorts at all. D day was almost 10 months ago, and she's been great for the last 9 months now. Quite a bit of trust has been restored. If she has another seizure tho, we're going to push for an alternate med. I have a list of alternate suggestions from the Facebook groups I joined that I'll be running by her neurologist. Some people just shouldn't be on keppra.

ETA: She's also been in IC for the last 4 months, and her therapist also said that her meds very well could have had a big influence on her behavior at the time. She's not coddling her or trying to blame shift at all, but she is giving her some benefit of the doubt with that. My wife has 7 more sessions left that insurance will cover, and I think we might just finish up with that instead of paying out of pocket for it. She's gotten to really look forward to her sessions tho. Every time she comes back from one she's extra cuddly and lovey dovey with me. I think it's done a lot of good for her.

[This message edited by Pogre at 4:09 PM, Sunday, February 1st]

I'm very sorry your W and you have to deal with this awful dilemma. I wish your W and you the best.

She did a complete 180. She hates AP now. He also has epilepsy and she wished death by seizure on him. If you knew her, you'd know just how drastic and out of character it is for her to say something like that. She's hyper sensitive and very empathetic to the condition and those who have seizures. I was floored when she said that.

That is a strong teller that you might be right.

Cheaters do not hate their OP / AP, that only happens when they pursue a life together and they find out just what a disgusting person their AP/OP is (otherwise would not mess in relationships), so when they are dumped and heartbroken or cheated by that person, they "might" finally hate them.

It's not the question of the "destructive emotions here", understand, but anger and hate and disgust are a very strong explosive kind of emotion that arises from a strong and intimate rejection of something that offends your sense and morals.

If the WS feels this strong repulsion for the very person they had a sexual relationship with, then they are on the right side of turning around (does not clear them out of what they did, but is a foundational sign that they are changing).

Most of times I see WS do not feel strong resentment for the Other Person. They feel shame, melancholy, maybe sometimes even regret, but they still have some fond baseline of this person with whom they shared their body and emotions, maybe a dream of a future together.
In short: they were a partner exactly like YOU, BS, it just did not work out but they were your replacement. That's the piece of the puzzle that makes me skeptic about any possible true R with a cheater.

The shame/ regret is simply being caught red handed in the cookie jar, not about choosing a different cookie, they liked what they picked, is not disgusting at all, is a deep unconfessed desire.

Your wife reaction is strongly telling that she might be really an outlier, under influence of drugs you may have impacts that you would never do in your life (and I know because thanks to ahole 'betrayal-apologist' therapists I used drugs who messed me up pretty bad).

I don't know her, but this is what transpires.

Cheaters do not hate their OP / AP, that only happens when they pursue a life together and they find out just what a disgusting person their AP/OP is (otherwise would not mess in relationships), so when they are dumped and heartbroken or cheated by that person, they "might" finally hate them.

Right. He didn't dump her, cheat on her, or rip her off financially. They had 3 trysts over a 2 week period. He paid for the hotel room, bought the food, and continued to try and pursue her after I found out what was going on. He was the one who was hurt when she cut it off. She very early on viewed him as the opportunistic POS he is and started despising him. His greatest crime against her was finding a chink in her armor, helped her almost destroy our marriage, and participated in hurting me.

Aside from the first couple of weeks when she was still partially in the fog and adjusting to her medication increase where she dragged her feet about blocking him, she never really went through a withdrawal phase or acted depressed about ending it. Not at all. Granted, she was pretty shitty about it, but it was more defiance than any attempt at preservation of her relationship with him. She didn't pine over him or miss him at all. Within a couple of weeks she had blocked him, put in for a transfer to a new work location, and never once attempted to contact him again.

Well, that I know of, anyway.

He did approach her once. I have a thread here about it. She told me about it right away. He showed up at her new work location. She shut him down immediately. Loudly. There were other people around and she wanted witnesses. She handled it almost perfectly. She threatened to go to HR and claim harassment if he ever approached her again. He never tried again.

She can't drive so I'm her chauffeur. I have access to all of her devices and she's not been secretive or overly protective of her privacy, and hasn't been resentful about it at all. When she takes phone calls she stays in the room with me or leaves the door open when she goes into the bedroom. She doesn't hide behind closed doors or speak in hushed tones and whispers. I know her work schedule. I drop her off and pick her up, and we do everything together now, so she really hasn't even had the opportunity, nor has she tried to create one. She's eager to demonstrate transparency.

I don't feel like a 2nd choice or a door prize. She's not resigned to being with me. As counter intuitive as it sounds, I think I was still always her first choice. She never really tried to replace me. She's perfectly happy and content spending all of her time with me. She was just whacked out of her mind and angry. So very, very angry...

The driving thing was such a big piece of this. She was absolutely furious about that. She was pissed off at me AND her Dr. I refused to budge on it and she was more pissed off at me for that than I'd ever seen her, and in 28 years together she's had plenty of time to be pissed off at me, lol. This was different. It was unreal.

Then along comes prince charming who shares the same condition, still drives, and showered her with unrealistic levels of compliments, compassion and understanding for the position she was in.

It's no longer an issue now, tho. Once she stopped increasing that new med everything just melted away. She's right back to her old self now. I have no question that I'm her number 1.

Then along comes prince charming who shares the same condition, still drives, and showered her with unrealistic levels of compliments, compassion and understanding for the position she was in.

That's why I have disgust for the OP, they are the same of cheaters but perhaps even lower.
Not only for those who messed with my wife (although that's a personal vendetta, so they had it coming), I always loathed people who try to 'steal' partners in relationship period. Way before I had my own betrayal, it's moral bankruptcy and lowlife behavior.

OP are the closest thing to narcissists, even when they are not confirmed narcissists.

Pogre, I think your lady is going to be fine.
What you say shows healthy behaviors, even if there will be a scar this is more akin to an accident than the usual intentional assassination from a beloved one.

Always double check with medications.
Finger crossed for both of you