SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you No Thanks and BB. Tonight I wanted to come in here and just say that the transition from marriage to single life is a lot at times. I feel that I have PTSD from what I lived through with my XWH and that I still see my IC regularly. I am having thoughts to change my phone number, even though I blocked XWS 6 months ago. I've also felt many times that that I can now realize how bad it actually was and how much better my life now is.

Last night I had a dream that I could see my XWH kissing another woman.
The last decade or more, he didn't want to be near me or kiss me. I only recently mentioned this to a sibling and a friend. He stopped reaching for me seems like shortly after dday or, maybe it was before. Men always seem to think that it is the wife that is not interested or initiating sex. Not true here. I always wanted to be near him. I remember thinking that I was being ridiculous - of course, he wants to be with me in every way. I must have it wrong, but now I remember so many moments when it was hurtfully true. The look, the comment, the body movements that signaled that he wanted space between us. No hugs, not searching for eye contact, conversation, or any kind of closeness. No compliments, no gifts, no anything - day after day. It was awful to be there. I was afraid to say anything as he seemed like a stranger and I didn't know what kind of response there would be. I was afraid. I was so upset so many times, but he seemed to ignore this and kept his distance. How did I get through all of that.
Being in this safe space has made the time that I was with him more clearer. More objective from this perspective. How that dream fits into all of this - I have no idea.