Hello Friends,
I am very new to this community, and I wish that I never had to find this community or be a part of it. However, I am grateful that it exists, and I am reaching out for support in my time of need. I find myself brokenhearted, emotionally unstable, and uncertain about how to proceed.
I apologize if I make any mistakes or misuse abbreviations; I am not familiar with all of them, but I will do my best to learn and adapt. My Dday was on June 28th. I have been married for 20 years, and we have two beautiful daughters aged 8 and 12. In early June, I noticed a change in my wife's behavior—she became secretive with her cell phone, took longer walks, and displayed actions that were out of character for her. Recognizing these patterns was easy for me, given our 20 years together. Upon further investigation of her cell phone records, I discovered that she had engaged in an emotional affair with her high school lover. What began as innocent text messages eventually escalated to declarations of love, with hundreds of messages exchanged, including sexual content. Phone records also revealed hours-long conversations and video messages. Shockingly, she would even message him while sitting next to me, sometimes even narrating what I was doing in video games.
When I confronted her about my knowledge of the affair, she admitted the whole thing. She claimed that they had always felt "connected." When I asked her if she wanted to end our marriage, she replied with both "yes" and "no," listing reasons why she was unhappy: my lack of romance, a lack of emotional connection, and differing interests, among others. While she expressed some remorse for hurting me, she made it clear that she was not going to "beg."
All of this occurred just before our planned two-week vacation, and our children were eagerly looking forward to it. I decided that, for the sake of our kids, I would still take the trip under the condition that she would end contact with the affair partner. Afterward, I would move out to reflect on our relationship. Reluctantly, she agreed to cut ties with the affair partner, and we went on the vacation. During the trip, we were intimate three times, which left me deeply confused. We spoke more, and she agreed to attend therapy during our trial separation, promising not to contact the affair partner. We planned to pursue marriage counseling afterward.
She claimed to have called the affair partner and told him that she needed time to think things over (they spoke for almost an hour, as per phone records). She then texted him that I would be leaving, but that I had found a place to stay for a month—this was her last message. At this point, I am uncertain if she realizes that I am aware of her messages.
She says she is unsure of what she wants, but she is unhappy. It feels like she is living in a fantasy world, where the affair partner tells her what she wants to hear, and she goes along with it.
I am deeply hurt and questioning if I can ever rebuild the shattered trust. I am not even sure if she will reconnect with the affair partner the moment I step out of the house. Today, we broke the news to our children about the trial separation, which was the hardest thing I have ever done. I cannot see any genuine remorse in my wife's eyes at this point. She claims to be confused, and I honestly don't know what to do.
Thank you for providing a space where I can share my story and seek support.