SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I found out 2 weeks ago my husband of 8 years had sex with another woman 4 times in hotel rooms. Unprotected. I guess you could say it was a coworker but it’s not someone he actually works with. Long story. Doesn’t matter. She’s no longer in the picture. It was just sex. She’s married with children also. He’s saying and doing all the right things. I believe this can work but I don’t know. It seems so unfair. This wasn’t a tragedy to work through. This didn’t happen to us. He did this to me - and I’m left with these heart breaking soul crushing feelings. I have a 3 year old and 7 year old. I’m in the thick of parenting. He works LONG hours. I feel so alone. I feel so broken. I feel so hurt. Today is the hardest day thus far since I found out. Sorry for TMI but upcoming menstrual cycle is definitely playing a part in my emotions today. I feel so resentful and hurt. I’m having difficulty not constantly thinking about it. I am so shocked. I did not see this coming and I never thought he would do this. I feel like my life is forever changed for the worse by the person I love and trusted so much. I am gutted.

Just want you to know you have been heard. Welcome to the group you never wanted to be a part of. Others will be along but I just wanted to acknowledge that you have been heard, and you matter. You will receive great support here. Right now take care of you. Get tested for STD’s. Do your best to eat healthy and get exercise. You have suffered a real trauma and will need to heal. Usual understanding is that it takes 2-5 years to heal from this trauma. But you will get through this. Many, many people here have been through similar pain due to infidelity. Always value yourself. Take no blame for your WH’s cheating. He cheated because he is broken. Checkout the Healing library and pinned posts. Lots of helpful information on this site. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I am so very sorry. Please do not try to soften your heartbreak or reaction. Your life has just been blown up. This is going to be very difficult and long process. Please go to YouTube and search "Jake Porter", watch his videos. Trust me, they will help you.

Don't go to see a normal therapist. You must find a Betryal Trauma Therapist, they are really trained to help you go through the process properly.

Another thing that helped me, the book called "Betrayal Bind" by Michelle Mays. Your husband needs to read "How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald.

I know what you are feeling. Many hear do. It is unexplainable unless you have gone through it. Hang in there. This trauma literally has affected your brain on a biological level It will take time to heal, but you will heal.

As far as restoration of marriage, much depends on your husband. He must truly pursue making amends. He has lots of work to do. Very important, HE CANNOT BE AVOIDANT. He needs to talk to you whenever you want, as much as you want, and he must be 100% honest.

How did you find out?

Know you are enough. You are precious. It was NOT you. He did a great evil to you.

He let you down, hurting your feelings and breaking your trust. This is not on you! Remember, you are still wonderful just as you are. He's the one who needs to prove himself and earn back your trust and love. Take care of yourself and do something that makes you happy.

He got caught. He wasn’t getting the pictures I was adding to the shared album of the kids. Asked me to help. I was holding his phone right next to him when a text message came through saying sweet dreams sleep well. Didn’t sit right with me. He said it ended in July and proved that it did.