I need help understanding this. Please help with advice. I have not been sexually molested and I don't understand this concept. here's my story from the mother of the abused:
on November 6, 2015, my 9 year old came to me, out of the blue and begged me not to let her be alone with her father. I asked why. she said he was mean. I said, well, you have to follow the rules- that doesn't mean he's mean. my daughter began shaking her head and said, no, you don't understand. he's different when you're not here.
when I first came to S.I., I had found multiple prostitutes that my husband had been purchasing, about 3-4 a week since before we were married, at least, 2009. I asked my STBX if he would ever harm our daughters. he said absolutely not and the only reason for the prsotitutes was because I had made him sad and lonely all these years... (S.I. helped me shift through that b.s.) he swore he would never do it again...blah, blah, blah and he moved back in September of 2013.
a couple weeks after my daughter said these things to me, November 18, 2015, I thought, ya know, I haven't check the STBX phone recently. so I did and more prostitutes, one the day after my grandpa died and 3 more the weekend prior to my daughter begging me not to be alone with him.
I called the state patrol and talked to a Sargent. I just decided to report the prostitutes, I had addresses, amounts, what they were going to do and some what they did do. as I was talking to the Sargent , my daughter walked in and asked the Sargent to hold on a minute because my daughter was coming down the hall and wanted to shut the door. the Sargent stopped and said, "wait a minute, you have kids with this guy?!" he started drilling me on who wanted to have kids more, me or him, if I knew how old the prostitues were, human trafficking, etc. he asked me if I was aware my STBX was a sex offender. I said I did. he asked me what I knew. I told him that STBX said he was at a bar and these girls walked in and it turned out the girls were underage...the Sargent stopped me and started saying... "no, no, no, that is a lie, that is alive." then he said, "you need to get your girls away from the man as soon as you possibly can."
I immediately packed my things and the girls things and we drove 3 hours to my moms house and I left a note demanding my STBX to leave my house.
last month, my daughter disclosed to her therapist (got her from child advocacy center as soon as we came back home) what my dirtbag, sob , bastard, pervert, STBX did to my daughter. which is also, not everything. she said that there is more but is still uncomfortable talking about it.
suddenly, it was a massive collection of dhhs calls, cps, cac, law enforcement interviewing of both my 9 year old and my 3 year old. my daughter said that the dirtbag would come into the bedroom while she watched tv and I was making supper and he would ....never mind..I can't even speak it.
law enforcement did their investigation, but because there was not physical evidence, it was a he said, she said and has closed the case. the county attorney said that either I was lying or that my daughter was lying. this came from my daughter saying that I had caught him doing things to my daughter and I said I did not. I later realized the only time I ever confronted my husband in the bedroom was when I caught him smoking in the bathroom, cigarette butts floating I. the toilet, ashes on the sink, but before he would always deny that he was smoking in the bathroom. in a non smoking house, it's easy to smell the difference. but when there was physical evidence of the smoking, I went into the bedroom, the dirtbag and my daughter were in bed under the blankets. I vaguely said, "I know what you're doing. you're going to stop or you can find a new place to live."
I have revulsion thinking that my daughter was thinking I was talking about what dirtbag was doing to my daughter and not throwing him out in that moment and also that I had unknowingly walked in on something terrible happening.
after the dirtbag was interviewed by the deputy (we were trying to keep things hushed, until the deputy interviewed him, hoping to get him to contradict himself and not allow him to fabricate a lie), I immediately went to the courthouse and filed a restraining order, to which he never appealed.
my daughters therapist wants her to write a letter about what dirtbag did to her. the therapist gets angry at me for not insisting on the letter as it is to help in the treatment. every time I try, she has a behavioral outburst, which i don't blame her. I don't even want to know what all happened.
I'm thinking, she's only 9, why should she be forced to talk about these perversions. does this really help someone who has been sexually abused?
his family is is super hyped up Christian family. my STBX is currently a newly found Christian who says he prays for my soul every night and day and that I will release the false anger in my heart. his family despises me and think that I have brainwashed my children into saying these things about their dear sweet brother.
I'm thinking, I don't care about what you guys think. this man is a sicko, and HE WILL NEVER EVER TOUCH MY GIRLS EVER, EVER, EVER AGAIN! I don't care if he is able to manage supervised visitation somehow, until the restraining order expires, I will have my 9 year old in self defense, woman empowering, kick boxing classes so that she can kick his ass, run out of the house and call 911 if he ever tries anything with her again.
I can not understand how mothers can know and allow such behaviors to continue to their children. I am going through my own amount of guilt, that I found this man who I thought was charming, funny, great guy and turned out to be this monster that I can so easily divorce, but children can not. guilt, that I was there while it happened. trauma by having to have my daughter go through her own trauma treatment.
I really get angry at his family, I say I don't care what they think, but more that they won't make me change my course of action. I do care that they are supporting him in the wrong way by believing his innocence. something seriously messed up happened to him along time ago that caused him to be that way and they all need to stop pointing their finger at me and start determining how to help their brother get better, mentally.
this terrible , evil bastard hurt my sweet little bouncy blonde curled girl with all of innocence and kindness to others. he put this bump, pothole, in her road to her future.
I have an amazing attorney who, once the molestation, she came out with both guns blazing, not literally.
oh and did I mention...he moved into the house next door to us. I own my home, he's renting.