I try to post every now and again just in case it will help anyone to read this sort of thing.
Things are generally peaceful in the little apartment. We have nice things, many of which we got in very fortuitous ways. it’s clean and generally orderly.
As an example, I had been wanting a replacement espresso maker because the one I cleaned and repaired that was given to me we have had for almost 3 years and it wasn’t new to begin with. F wanted a coffee grinder. Yesterday I found an almost new espresso machine, a barely used grinder, and $$$ of accessories while out of town for an appointment F had. I messaged the person who had the machine and they said it was sold (no wonder at the price they were asking). The they messaged me back and said the person had changed their mind. We met about 10 minutes from where we were and I have an almost new espresso setup with everything someone could want including things I don’t even know how to use like a bottomless portafilter haha.
Some of the details of what a blessing this was and how it came about I will post in the prayer thread to keep this one from becoming religious. But my short version is that the person did not want this stuff. They were well aware of its value and deliberately dropped the price extremely low. And I gratefully accepted the blessing and added it to many more I have received since no longer being with exwh. It is as if there is more room for good things with him not in my life. More peace. More order. More blessings.
I mention the material things because by the end of the divorce process most of that was gone. I was sleeping and sitting on the floor and had lost my home. But I was free of infidelity.
Recently F (fiance) took off work and took me to one of the top medical centers in the country for my cardiac follow up.
And the results were that I am apparently inexplicably currently free of the life-threatening heart problems I started experiencing several years ago when exwh was deep in the affair. I recently found out about something called broken heart syndrome, and it made me wonder if there was any connection.
My recurrence of the (rare) breast tumor that came back during the abusive divorce process from the first time I had it (during and after EXWH’s cheating episode 1) was apparently managed with the surgery I had recently, and the reports from the tests say it is not currently cancer. I recently found out there is a connection between breast tumors and stress too. And I believe it in my case.
I did everything I knew how to do and much more than I should have to try to save my ex marriage. It failed. But I am so grateful to not still be caught in that vortex of chaos and pain.
I am still making progress paying down the unjust divorce debt.
I am working to heal emotionally, financially, and spiritually. From where I stand, unrepentant liars lie and unrepentant cheaters cheat unless they decide to do the hard work it takes to change. More often than we wish, they can seemingly get away with it. I would like to believe the world is just. So this is all still very painful for me.
Nonetheless, a lot of good has happened to me since exwh abandoned me and told me he would destroy me if I left him. I don’t think that the infidelity trauma is good or that it makes me stronger. It just traumatized me. But the sun is shining today.
Some people can reconcile. Exwh was not a candidate because he had no intention of being sexually or otherwise faithful to me. Nonetheless, lately I have been challenging myself to wake up every day ask myself an important question, "How can I do so well in my life as to make what exwh did to me irrelevant."
I wish fellow survivors on this site much peace and healing and many blessings.
