Wonderinghome (original poster new member #87063) posted at 11:58 AM on Wednesday, February 25th, 2026
I made a post on just finding out. Its been a bout a week or so since then & she is basically trying to get the kids schedule to match up with th guys schedule so that she can see him more..... hurts but im honestly working on myself in al aspects but still hold on to hope that the new version of ourselves eventually meet at some point again. Would you guys question the partner and if shes using the separation to truly work on herself or would you just accept her behavior as her telling you its completely over ?
Fiance had an affair after telling she was checked out.
maise ( member #69516) posted at 12:22 PM on Wednesday, February 25th, 2026
Im so sorry you’re hurting. Holding on to hope was something I found to be very painful. The longer I held onto it the longer the pain remained. I found that letting go of hope and paying attention to people’s actions tells me a lot about who they are and where they are with themselves.
If your former partner is taking this time to pursue the AP instead of working on themselves, well, that tells me they are not focused on doing the necessary work to heal. That’s their choice. Anything you say won’t change that. They have to want to change and want to do the work. And they have to want to do it for themselves, if they do it for any other reason it won’t work.
I’m really glad to hear you’re focusing on yourself. That’s a powerful place to put your energy. The more you turn toward your own healing and growth, the more steady and grounded you’ll likely start to feel. That part is within your control.
BW (SSM) D-Day: 6/9/2018 Status: Divorced
"Our task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
— Rumi
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 5:15 PM on Wednesday, February 25th, 2026
To save yourself some future stress and heartbreak, ACTIONS trump words.
The cheater will lie to your face and turn around and do what is in their best interest, sadly.
When I told my H "it’s her or me" he swore he ended the affair. Yes he did but it re-started very soon after he "ended it". It’s called false Reconciliation when the betrayed thinks the cheater is committed to and focused on the marriage yet the cheater is still cheating.
I’m sorry for you. I hope you can get to a better place. At least one of truthfulness with the cheater. I’d rather know the truth than live a lie.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:28 PM on Wednesday, February 25th, 2026
Well her still seeing the AP tells you all you need to know during this separation. She is not working on herself or trying to save the M. If I were you I would continue to focus on your healing and not put too much stock into the hope department. Her actions will clearly tell you where she is at. I would also implement the 180 and try to sart detaching from her emotionally. Eventually her actions will disgust and irritate you to the point you won't want to work on the M. At least you are already on a path to healing whether that is with or without her.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:28 PM, Wednesday, February 25th]
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
