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The Book Club :
Want to ask WH to read "Not Just Friends"

Topic is Sleeping.
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ovalwin ( member #44766) posted at 5:33 PM on Monday, March 2nd, 2015

I think Im gonna get this. From the responses, it sounds like it will be helpful. as far as asking my WS to read it ... My approach is just gonna be to give it to her.

posts: 70   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2014   ·   location: A hot place
id 7135755
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crushedinpa ( member #46787) posted at 1:51 PM on Friday, March 13th, 2015

Earlier this week I downloaded it to my Kindle. It is helping me tremendously to see I am not crazy, and my feelings are common. I just ordered the paperback book from Amazon this a.m. for FWH and me to read together and discuss. I think I read somewhere on here that another couple read it together and discussed it as they were reading. I pray it helps.

FWH read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" this week and he says it has helped him to get a better perspective as to where I am in the post A healing. (not very far btw)

Me 47: BS
Him 47: WS
M 22 yrs with 1 DD (age 17) and 13 year old twin DS
D-Day 1/28/2015 (1.5 mos. affair) EA/some PA (his TT story)
In R (I think)

posts: 249   ·   registered: Feb. 13th, 2015
id 7148905
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Rampage0409 ( member #47087) posted at 2:48 PM on Sunday, March 15th, 2015

I just ordered it. I got the paperback instead of the kindle edition so I can read it then have WH read it. I'm hoping it helps.

Me: 33
WH: 36
OW1: Ho Worker
OW2: Another Ho Worker
DDay: 3/5/15
DDay 2: 2/14/17
Filed for D March 8, 2017
Divorced!
Married: 10years - Together: 17years
"Who ever said money can't buy happiness has never paid for a divorce!"

posts: 152   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2015   ·   location: Pits of Hell, TN
id 7150995
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ShatteredKat ( member #47299) posted at 4:53 PM on Tuesday, March 24th, 2015

I bought "Not Just Friends" for me and read it over a few days - most definitely a mind opener and a bit tough to "see yourself" in the various chapters. Read it while sitting in living room so WS could see and left on table by chair in case she decided to look. Still waiting -

I also bought "Women's Infidelity" and "Women's Infidelity II" by Michelle Langley -

the two by Ms. Langley are also eye openers.

I see in other forums people asking "why" - they should read all three books for starters.

Then start a journal - writing down your thoughts helps your brain to "put things in place" and helps the healing process. She is reading some of Ms. Langley's writing - I have hope we can overcome what led to our emotional separation (PA?)- I suspect PA but haven't proof - and not looking at the moment. She still turns heads when in public and still has her figure - I know she attracts attention. She has her own business and travels often out of town. Suspicion demon is my worst enemy!

BH - 69

WW - 66

wH - Per Shirly Glass - just barely has an EA - one time meeting over coffee
WW - Caught in OM apartment "we only kissed - it was only one time"

posts: 87   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2015   ·   location: Central NC
id 7161638
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humboldtmom ( member #21569) posted at 7:07 AM on Saturday, July 18th, 2015

This book was great. I bought four books and this was by far the most helpful. It pointed out things to stay away from, ways to affair-proof even after the affair. When WH was actually following the advice from the book, R was going great. And for the future, I know what I'm looking for in having and keeping a healthy relationship.

Me xBS
STBXWH - 1.5yr PA (with my sister, RIP) and now MOW#2
Together 19y Married 16y, now divorced and XWH and MOW are married
3 children: 16, 14, 7
D-Day 9/2008, 7/2015

posts: 347   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2008
id 7287037
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humboldtmom ( member #21569) posted at 7:07 AM on Saturday, July 18th, 2015

This book was great. I bought four books and this was by far the most helpful. It pointed out things to stay away from, ways to affair-proof even after the affair. When WH was actually following the advice from the book, R was going great. And for the future, I know what I'm looking for in having and keeping a healthy relationship.

Me xBS
STBXWH - 1.5yr PA (with my sister, RIP) and now MOW#2
Together 19y Married 16y, now divorced and XWH and MOW are married
3 children: 16, 14, 7
D-Day 9/2008, 7/2015

posts: 347   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2008
id 7287038
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bw900 ( member #47732) posted at 3:42 AM on Monday, July 20th, 2015

Good book. I am halfway through it now. I noticed a calmness in myself this week I hadn't felt since dday (until today, of course...triggered...another story.)

I had NJF a few months ago, but couldn't read it then. I think I needed some time first before I could.

Me: BW 68 (59 at dday) WH: 69 (60 at dday)D-day 1/2015 EA/PA 1.25 year w/COW M 31 yrs, 4 grown kids Reconciling, which is not easy! Still Grieving what I thought our M was and who I thought he was

posts: 265   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7288292
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Wayflost ( member #41583) posted at 10:58 PM on Monday, July 20th, 2015

It only works if the person reading it is open to learning.

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly."

posts: 762   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2013
id 7289161
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workingonmyself ( member #49740) posted at 12:59 PM on Friday, October 2nd, 2015

I bought the book -- sitting in a pile of books I want to read. WH is not out of fog and is no longer at home as of one month ago...do you think this would still be a good read for him...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2015   ·   location: Arizona
id 7361440
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mamazen ( member #42137) posted at 1:56 AM on Saturday, December 5th, 2015

I highlighted the parts I thought were significant to us, then read these things to him during one of our only "heart-to-hearts" after the separation; he was struck by how stereotypical he was, and how it applied to our situation. He's not a reader (English isn't even his mother tongue), so I didn't expect him to go out and get it. I know he has a copy in his apartment (did I buy him one---I can't remember but I think so).

During one of my snarkier acts, last christmas I sent OW a "User's Manual to xWH"--a handmade book with all his foibles. In the box I also included a copy of NJF I found at a used book sale for $1.00. (Also included a book for Healing for Daughters of Narcissistc Mothers--with a sticky note on it that it was for her daughter, someday). I'm sure they've been tossed!

mamazen


me 57
WH 58
married 19 years
separated since 3/2013 (in house until 8/2013)
D FINAL! Sept 10 2014
D-day Dec 21 2013 (after separation)
2 sons 17 and 13
OW = family friend and WH work colleague, going on m

posts: 679   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2014   ·   location: canada
id 7412648
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safety ( new member #50677) posted at 7:05 PM on Thursday, December 10th, 2015

I was just recommended this book by our counselor, I will start reading today. My problem is my WH does not read he hates reading and he never ask what I'm reading or what its about, I almost feel like I'm troubling putting him out,He has even said it bugs him, that I'm reading and not paying attention to him. It's the don't ask don't tell policy with him. Since DD I have read 8 books (in privacy) on marriage and self help I like John Gottman, and Iylanna Vanzant, Bounderies, and Joel Osteem. I am growing and changing and becomeing stronger, it's his loss if he wont keep up.

posts: 2   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2015
id 7417469
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IamMom ( member #50612) posted at 4:02 PM on Monday, December 21st, 2015

I purchased the kindle edition and paperback edition. Digital for me, paperback for PWH. He looked at it the first day and I don't think he has picked it back up since.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2015
id 7427311
Topic is Sleeping.
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