My BW put a presentation together about why she should keep the kids. It was all I, I, I, me, me, me. It was all emotional based and no facts. She made really silly statements. Things like the kids prefer her, or she has a more emotional bond, and she could take care of them better.
My BW has checked out of parenting a long time ago. I’ve talked to therapist before about why the kids want to gravitate towards her. They’ve told me it was the reason I did, because we are trying to get something we are lacking: attention. They get everything they needed from me. Attention, love, you name it. There is nothing lacking. She brought up the fact that the kids would rather get baths from her. I’ve talked to my kids about that. Their answer: cause mommy never wants to give us baths. I can count on one hand how many times since the kids were born that she bathe them. And the fact that she says she takes better care of them is just ridiculous when I’m the one that does the cooking, cleaning up after them, the laundry, everything schooling, grocery shopping, medical visits, pretty much everything.
She asked me, so you don’t think I can do any of that? I said no, you haven’t done any of it. She talked about how she used to do so much. And yes, she did the shopping and the cooking. But all that started slowing down. Then we had the second child and it was just hard for her. I took over so much, then I got 100% of all the task. Which I’m not complaining about and never did. I am the father after all, but 100%?!
She asked what I thought she did all day. I told her, you play so much video games. She said, but I stopped. Why did you stop I asked. Because you told me the kids had a problem with it, she said. I told her that about 5 months ago. She stopped on Wednesday. Then told me it was my fault for buying her the game. I didn’t think she would be playing 8 hours a day. But before the gaming she literally binged watch 8 tv series, before that she would spend hours on social media, before that she would spend hours playing some mobile video game. She would always just rather do other things.
The rest of the presentation she spent days on was horrible. She gave me a 50 mile radius of where she might live, didn’t mention logistics, like who is dropping off the kids at school picking them up while she works a 12 hour day, Didn’t even mention a specific school, just a list of the 10 best schools in the 50 miles radius, and the fact that those schools have AP classes (like most schools), and a list of fun things to do living closer to Los Angeles, and the fact that is closer to her family. And by closer, I mean an hour away in Los Angeles traffic. And also, the family she has told me countless times that she hates, the family she tells me she was glad to be able to get away from, the family she never trusted with the kids who will now be involved in taking care of the kids if she gets her full custody.
I can tell you exactly where I will be living, the exact neighborhood. School start times, the kids schedule. I got the ok from work to have a hybrid schedule that allows me to be home when the kids are not in school. The family members that have been on the emergency release forms that have been on those same forms since they started school, family members we have always trusted.
I’m asking that they stay with me during the week, weekends they could do all that fun stuff on that list she made of fun attractions near LA. During summer and winter break we switch the schedule around where she gets them during the week. I don’t know why she is fighting this so much. She asked me if my plan was fair. I answered none of this is fair. It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to me, and it’s especially not fair to the kids. We are just trying to figure out the best solution. She said I was trying to take the kids away. I had to assure her that they are our kids, and no one is taking them away from anyone.
She wants to come up with an agreement so that she doesn’t have to pay an attorney 400/hour, but she’s not really willing to work with me so I don’t know what she expects.
Can I hear from others dealing with this?