Hello All,
Thank you for sharing stories, posting advice and creating this online community that helps all of us who are struggling. Been reading for some time now but this is my first post of many. As I have 100s of questions.
Without context I know this could be a difficult one but my question is for both WS & BS (I will post something there next).
Short Version= M 38 f 50 together 9 years, D day 3 years ago, internet affair with random women dating apps to boost my own ego, no EA or PA, tons of lies (too many), separated for 1 year then attempted R but just asked to moved out again, 3 teenage Step Children (only have contact with 1 currently but full contact with them all until they cut their mother out their lives due to her own personal issues with them). More to all of this but short version, attended SA classes for a year, both have IC, MC was not helpful and suggested ending relationship after 5 sessions, how can that even be possible but thats for another post...
Question 1
I am finding it difficult to bare the weight of my partners venomous accusations and claimed that I have caused issues/problems, seemingly unrelated to infidelity. I fully understand everything can become related after this type of trauma, the pain that I caused her and regret my choices especially to cover the truth. Of course those actions and selfish choices have resulted in her terrible PTSD and play a part in her decision making process. With that said If I ever clarify a false statement, or a misconception that she has, about a present(not past) fear or concern i'm quickly labeled as unsympathetic, lack empathy, narcissist. I have tried my best to simply listen, console, affirm, empathize, offer support, or touch and later on bring up the misconception when she is not flooding but that hasn't worked well either. When I am being blamed for issues that have little to do with me how have you all attempted to navigated the rough waters?
After reading a ref posted here authentic kindness vs people pleasing themindsjournal authentic-kindness-vs-people-pleasing/ Im struggling to keep a boundary of not allowing her vengeance seeking behaviour to cross my own boundary while still being there for her as I understand her is in pain or triggered in those moments.
All opinions welcome, even if its to tell me FO ands suck it up, buttercup.
The next is an easy one, is there a search forum function?
[This message restored by Webmaster at 7:54 AM, Wednesday, September 21st]
[This message edited by Inbocaallupo at 2:35 PM, Tuesday, September 20th]