SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It’s always good to read your updates. As always I am in awe with how you continue to move forward.

ex MIL just wants to alleviate her guilt and I am glad you are taking that opportunity away from her. Sorry you got dragged into the deposition.
Keep us posted how that goes.

Take care !

Fold, checking in to see how you are doing. Hope everything is going well.

Hi Abalone, all. You're so thoughtful to check in. Thank you.

Not much is new here. Just trying to stay afloat in all the ways. Work continues to go well and is still the same. A lot of hours, a middling amount of stress, low pay. I am averaging 50+ hours per week with more clients and it is a lot, but I feel that I have to get ahead especially as I am not convinced my ex won't default on his contractual financial support down the line.

The kids continue to do well, deep into their activities, enjoying school, going to a zillion birthday parties and playdates. I have virtual therapy weekly but think I will scale back this summer to every other week (copays are insane given how much I pay for insurance) and I have a women's group that meets weekly online which helps provide some support.

He continues to be mostly out of touch, in general, and with reality, lol. His legal situation continues, every time there is something new it garners more media attention. I don't read it; I have a few friends who do and summarize for me. But I can always tell when something is posted because I get a few random texts from people out of the woodwork. He will visit the kids sometime this spring. He calls them 1-2 times a week and always keeps it short (15-20 minutes max), saying he has to go to the bathroom or go make dinner or something to get off the call. More head scratching there; it feels like checking a box but who knows. I have had one or two come to Jesus conversations with him when necessitated (around legal things) and the severity of things has seemed to have sunken in but he also still seems very much in denial about things. He continues to tell the kids he will move here, when I move there we will do XYZ, next year we can do ABC when I am closer by. I have had about a billion discussions since last summer with him about how this is not good for them as he cannot control where and when he may be able to move. He continues to not get it, that making this promises may very well backfire and it will hurt the kids more and more. Just sustained selfishness, nothing new for WS, right? And in the same vein of selfishness, I have not and will not contact my former in-laws. Thank god they have not called again. Hopefully they get the hint.

Thank you for checking in. I appreciate you thinking of me.

Hi Fold,

I’m happy to hear from you and get an update. I thought of you and your situation often and I know you were handling everything the best way you can.

I see you post sometimes to help others and find your opinion quite helpful. I hope you continue to do that.

Please do give occasional updates as many of us wonder how you are doing. I’m not surprised that you are handling each situation as it comes up with intelligence and grace.

Thank you, BeachGirl (big hugs). Hope you're doing well. Appreciate your support as always.

Fold, Glad to read your updates. You are doing the best you can and I am glad your kids are doing well.

You have moved ahead , progressed, learnt and matured from this entire ordeal. It’s a pity your exWH hasn’t learnt a thing and I doubt he ever will.

Please take care of yourself.

Thank you, Abalone. You're always so kind and I appreciate it.

I sometimes have these existential moments when I wonder what this is all happening for tethered together with the typical "why me" pity party. I have my faults but I am a generally good person, have always lived my life above the bar. And I keep saying and thinking "worse things have happened to better people," but I also often just wonder what I did to deserve this, to have my children have to endure this. They blessedly don't know the details, but they will later. As soon as they can google on their own they can find out everything, or their friends will and it will be exposed. And its going to be ugly.

I had an initial meeting with a pediatric social worker to explain the situation, the kids general demeanor since the move (good, no issues), and to just make sure there wasn't anything I should be doing to support them now. As I told the therapist, I worry less about them now, but am so worried about them five years down the road, ten years down the road. The preteen and teen years and beyond when the real impacts of all of this may be felt. As I told their father, he unilaterally and singlehandedly created generational trauma for them and they may very well have a lifetime of confusion, shame, and distrust when it comes to him and perhaps in their own relationships, their relationships with children if they have them, and so on and so on. This is what I feel that WS do not seem to process. And the fact that so many of them, my ex included, just think they are such good parents even if they cheated. I can't subscribe to that. I just can't.

Fold,

These are really valid concerns and I totally understand that. I am sure though that you will continue to be the good guiding force in their lives and soften the impact of his actions. You are already so proactive in addressing this and compensate well for his poor parenting skills.

You are allowed to go the "why me" route. You have had major life-altering events unfold in a very short span of time and are probably still recovering from the shock of everything. It seems like you have had to be on the go since this ordeal started and have had no time off to process and grieve. You are doing exceptionally well for someone in your situation, considering the added burden of everything playing out publicly.

Thank you, Abalone, for the validation. I feel like "by now" I should just be over it, stop thinking about how I was wronged, blah blah blah. And there are days I am "better," maybe just a combo of busy and wanting to give my brain a break. And then other days I just feel like I have gotten sucker punched, when I lose my breath and just can't actually believe -- for a few seconds, for a few minutes -- that this all actually happened.