SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Before you comment please know this:

I know it’s been 4 years without incident. I know I need to work on forgiveness and my ptsd.

With that out of the way—

I still check everything and I get hyper vigilant at times but it hasn’t happened for weeks. I just check out of habit or boredom now.

So I did it and part of what I do is type in the AP’s email address.

So for clarity I unblocked the email address because I wanted to see if any emails would come through the work email. So let me explain/ the email address is blocked in his work email so it would go straight to junk. However I unblocked it on the phone so just in case there was communication I could see it in the junk folder.

Well I have typed in the address so much that it popped up and an iCloud email address did too.

I freaked out and panicked and accidentally pressed FaceTime and called the AP.

I told him and he got pissed.

I got more upset about her actually thinking he reached out. fWH was mad because I don’t trust him still. He was mad that I unblocked her- he wasn’t aware and he said he didn’t want any communication ever from her not even accidental.

It’s the worst feeling to think that the AP could have seen the missed call and believed my husband reached out to her! 😖🫣😩😫😩😖😭😣😵‍💫🫨

I feel so stupid.

I blocked her email address. But it kills me to have her think he reached out.

But I think maybe she blacked him too.

Anybody else do a similar screwup where snooping backfired?

Here I am!

I found out about the affair because I had reasons to suspect. I added her number to my contacts and I was checking every time my husband was messaging me on Whatsapp, he was messaging her too and she was online (the app allows you to see people online if they have not changed the settings). So to keep an eye on them, I accidentally rang her. As soon as I realised it, I hung up, but she could see who had made the call to her , so she didn't contact me back, she immediately told my husband and then she blocked my number and published a post on Facebook saying that people stick their nose into "her" business..
My husband said she reported that I was being a stalker. But he said, I realise you are really hurt and doing things that are not healthy.

Well, in my opinion it was not me sticking my nose into HER business, she had been sticking her nose into mine!! That man she was seeing is MY HUSBAND and I was only protecting my marriage! And the person who was not doing healthy things was not me... again, I was trying to float in that murky water.

After she had been spying my Facebook account and my children's, making comments on my husband's page, after my comments, she blocked us all. The thing is the FB is such an idiot and publishes her posts without privacy, so if you want to know her business, you just open another account and you can see all her PUBLIC activities. She is such a egocentred narcissist!

Honestly, I wouldn't worry, if you are checking on her it is because there is something still that doesn't add up, not your fault you are traumatised!

Anybody else do a similar screwup where snooping backfired?

I once accidentally "liked" an instagram photo that OBS posted while I was creeping on him trying to peer into OW's window (so to speak). Aghhhhhhh! It encouraged me to "block" him the same way I'd blocked OW so I wouldn't be tempted to look anymore.

Howcthappen - Don't beat yourself up over it. Mistakes happen and it doesn't mean anyone is stupid or bad.

I can imagine my BS would accidentally do something like this, its understandable and whilst I get his stance as I would hate to have that door reopened I understand her need more than anything.

Was just a mistake, just dont let it get you down.

I don't think it's fair he is angry that you don't trust him completely. Trust but verify doesn't necessarily have an expiration date.

Am 14 years in and still occasionally nose around in my wife's stuff. If she got angry I would take that as a warning sign if anything.

On the bright side, you might have gotten to totally fuck with OW without even trying. Sounds like a dream come true to me.

Maybe just be a little vigilant to watch for any communications just in case, but otherwise this seems like a pretty small deal in the grander picture of things, you did nothing wrong, and you might have created some gut churning in your worst enemy.

I feel so stupid.

After you've been betrayed, there's a lot to feel stupid about, for what may feel like the rest of your life, this will get better with time.

You didn't do anything wrong, you didn't make a "mistake", and you didn't betray anyone.

It's just one of those random things that's the fallout from this type of terrible betrayal.

It’s not snooping and you didn’t do anything wrong. Honestly your WH shouldn’t be mad at you. Imagine if he didn’t have an affair this wouldn’t even be an issue. 4 years is way too short to have trust again. He needs to accept that he will likely never have full trust from you again, and he earned that by having an affair.