Hello, I wanted to start a thread of things that we did to make ourselves feel safe after the affair.
We are all in the same boats and we know better than anybody that infidelity changes our Future, but also it changes our past and even our present. We question our gut, we question our heart, we question our sanity, and we even question our life choices. So I will start.
When I found out that my husband had his affair, I probably laid in bed for three months after working. I would gaze out the window I would lay on the floor. I would sit against the wall, and I would just stare off into space, most of my life my favorite colors were black and pink. my room had the blackout curtains, My bedspread was gray and most everything in my room was dark. (Guess it’s the rock and roll part of me)
One day I decided that green like a very mint green made me feel safe. It made me feel good. I got on Amazon and I redid our entire room in mint green. I got a lot of scripture and I got a few photos of positive quotes. I did the same thing to the bathroom. These two places I spent most of my time so I needed it to not feel as dark as my heart did.
I have stared at the photo on my wall more than I would like to admit.
"Do small things with great love"
Some days it helps, other days I want to burn it.
I lightened our dining room and living room. I let more light in and I use brighter decor.
I bought candles and a nighttime humidifier, when I start to spiral I use one or both to help me keep calm. I watch the himidifier change colors or the flame flicker. When those are on my H usually knows that I’m in my safe space and he isn’t welcome.
I also started an outline for a book I want to write about this whole hell I’m going through. My H knows it’s a bad night when I’m writing , my best work comes when I’m hurting but it also helps heal me. He usually keeps his distance because nothing he says these nights will help.
I go to the gym a lot when I’m feeling angry when I’m feeling lost and when I’m feeling like I just can’t be around anybody. I plug my headphones in and I jam away to my Favorite Songs or I catch up on church sessions or shows.
Clearly yall have seen me post enough to know I have a fear of being afraid. Not of ghosts, spiders , or the normal fears but of being abandoned , VULNERABLE, being alone , and being hurt. I have to try extra hard to feel safe because I’ve always been the strong one, now my walls have been torn down and I’m struggling.
What are some things you all have did to feel safe?
[This message edited by Groot1988 at 4:02 AM, Friday, June 28th]