First, new BSes almost always struggle. Bein betrayed is traumatic, and recovering from trauma is a big struggle.
From your name and post, I imagine you are in about the same stage of life I was in on my d-day.
It's nice that your H wants R, but 'nice' isn't any help at all. My reco is to start with what you want. Do you want him back? If so, what are your reasons? Loving him is one good reason but it's not enough.
He cheated because of some issue within himself, and R requires him to do the work necessary to change from cheater to good partner.
Think about your requirements for R. Mine included:
She had to commit to no more lies ever about anything.
She had to commit to transparency - keeping me informed of her activities, companions, and locations when she was out.
She had to commit to therapy to get help changing from cheater to good partner.
She had to commit to MC.
She had to commit to NC.
My W had to love me, desire me sexually, and commit to monogamy for the future.
Those were my requirements. You have to figure out yours, but the first 3 are pretty common. I strongly recommend making therapy with a good therapist a requirement, too, because I don't think many WSes can change themselves without good help.
I also suggest finding a good therapist for you, since you are so alone. We can do good good stuff, but being able to talk with someone and get feedback in real time can be very useful, too.
You write of shame. The shame is your H's, not yours. I know that concept may be hard to accept, but start working on it. You'll see this eventually.
Above all, have some faith in your own ability to heal, and be kind to yourself.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:05 PM, Wednesday, August 21st]