In that vein, even if you have no doubts that your children are yours, tell your wife you're going to DNA test your children. Tell her you are going to submit your DNA and your kids' DNA to one of those ancestry sites (23andMe, Ancestry,com, etc.) So your kids won't know why they're really being tested but you will know when you get their results whether you are their biological father.
The kids are def mine, they little mini me's in so many different ways - cause of their mixed heritage B&W photos of them and myself and my sister as kids are pretty damn identical - wherever we go - people come up to me going ah your *kids name* dad - we could tell just be seeing the similarities between you.
The reality of this situation is, I prob know within +/- a month of when this started - so the timeline is really between 2 to 4 months between it starting and it ending.
In terms of life before, I can without being naive (as much as one can be) know that it hasn't happened before.
Til this last year, she was so kids focused, EVERYTHING in her life revolved around the kids - I was the one going to her all the time you need to get out more, need to do things outside of the kids, this is going to drive you crazy.
Everything was 2nd to the kids, now they have entered tween stages, it meant they werent as mum focused, I also was out of work last year for about 8 months, which gave her the opportunity to then go back to work 5 days, get promotions, spend time with friends and it was a breath of fresh air.
During this time, we started focusing on getting more healthier together, I lost like 33kgs (72lbs) in 12m, we were more affectionate, I was a tonne less stressed - we were able to go do more things together.
Then her dad got sick, and life just went sideways, her work stress mounted, and the kids really started being tweens aka.. moody pain in the ****'s
Somehow this ability for escapism came to be, and I enabled it by pushing her to be out more, do other things take her mind of things.
These things don't excuse it, but I at least can see where the trail began, but she is like a different person to me in a lot of ways on letter this happen.
Today is 3 months since their last hotel hookup, and before even 9am this morning his name came up in a conversation with my BiL (cause its his best friend)
in a couple of days its the 3 month ceremonies of my father in laws passing - and I am taking comfort at least in the fact that unlike at the funeral he wont be there - as according to my BiL he is overseas (I didnt ask or anything, he was just talking about him in a convo) -
Everyone just thinks my greyness atm, is due to all the funerals and work stress - cause really no one knows about this.
You cannot start to repair if you don't know what you are repairing from. You are still behind the starting line until you have had a full account of the A. At that point you know what it is your are even working toward forgiving. Up until that point your are still being deceived and the damage is ongoing.
Thank you thats a better way of phrasing it - I am parking that conversation atm til after her IC session next Thursday.
Also Frontier, you need to get some legal advice-- ASAP. Start scheduling consults with the most highly rated Family Lawyers in your area. Go to more than one--this will conflict out those attorneys so your WW can't even talk to them. You need to understand what a divorce will look like for you in your State (every State is a little different)-- total costs, child support, potential spousal support/alimony, living arrangements during divorce and custody rights...and a lot more.
Here you need to actually be and demonstrate separation for a period of 12months (aka not living together etc) before you can even file basically - its a really long process here - my sister is currently in the middle of it, as well as another person I know - so they have been sharing a lot (already prior to this) about the journey as we have been supporting them.