Wow, he’s a real peach.
I agree that he has probably been cheating for a while. I’m so sorry. My XWS also resented me for asking him to move back to our state when he worked remote for 18 months. (No kids, but it was still a stress). He did it but never fully forgave me for asking - it was also "that was the best job ever". I now have suspicions that he cheated, but who knows 🤷♀️. Our DDAY was 15 years later, but that had festered all that time. The point is, they make up reasons to justify their bad behavior. they have to manipulate it so we are the bad guys so they can tell themselves that we "made" them do, they deserved to be happy and get everything they wanted. Selfish to the core.
As the others have said, take care of you first. You have to take care of you so you can take care of your kids. IC, STD testing, eat healthy, exercise (at least take a walk every day), decent night’s sleep. Avoid drugs and alcohol.
Tell your kids in an age/developmentally appropriate way, but be HONEST. They need to know they have a parent they can trust and rely on, and obviously it’s not going to be their dad. They don’t need the grueling details, but they are sensing you are upset and if not given the reason why, they very likely may take some of the responsibility for their dad’s actions on themselves. So reassure them he did this and it had nothing to do with you or them- it is 100% all on him.
Also, talk to a lawyer (or three) ASAP to ensure you secure what is rightfully yours. He may have been siphoning off material funds to pay for his cheating and APs. You need to look after you and your kids here, so get the most bulldog lawyer you can who will make sure you get all you are entitled to. Do not tell him you are doing this. I have no idea if his working out of country changes things legally, so do some homework there and make sure you lawyer understands this dynamic.
Do you have folks IRL to confide in? That and IC are VERY helpful. If you are unable to function, talk to your doctor. Many of us experienced situational depression or anxiety and needed some help in the short term to help us get through this. No shame in this.
You will get through this. You’ve been raising your family as a single parent for a long time, so this may end up finding your life is more peaceful for you once the shock and sadness leave. You are already a super mom and strong and independent. It takes longer than any of us want to get through this, but the truth is you WILL get through it. Trust the 1000’s who have walked in your shoes (or very similar). You can do this.
Keep posting, keep reading.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **