SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Ive got a process thats unfolding here, I have an infidelity specialist, and two stubborn dipshits, neither of which is going to be the one who blinks first, but at least are unwilling to give up on the other.

I have very little wisdom to offer here. You are clearly resolute in your chosen course of action, and no one can fault you for commitment. To not only deal with the trauma of a nearly certain full-on PA that you may never get clarity on, but an unremorseful WW who willingly subjected you to degrading humiliation time and again and still stands by while you suffer takes strength/ stubbornness that most people will never approach. A WW who ridiculously claims that she had the moral courage to not sleep with another man despite having shopped for condoms, but who did not have the backbone to stand up to them as they bullied you in front of her. That strength will serve you well as you work through the trauma you've endured.
Sorry if this has come up already and I missed it. But if you do, indeed, commit to R, just be prepared for POLF (Plain of Lethal Flatness). Once you get through the first few years of struggle, you may get to a point where what you won may not seem worth it. A "so, this is what I fought for?" It's very common to have that kind of buyer's remorse. Just like this shit sandwich, you can work through that as well.
Stay strong, brother. It will get better.

Weekends kill me. Havent enjoyed one in more than a year. Ww works em, and fears coming home to whatever state Im in.

Our therapist says its likely an unidentified trigger from me being alone, and the fact that the affairs happened at work alot. I tend to think its just because I have moments alone to be myself. When I rest, thats when realizations and conclusions just come into me like the koolaid man.

I suppose its processing. But it hurts. Its not peaceful.

I know "enough" at this point, I think. I assume. I fear getting iceberged, but intellectual honesty implies the likelihood of that falling more into irrational fear than likely threat. Im disappointed that no point of terminal honesty ever came to her, that I had to glean everything from deduction while she watched me flounder. Im bitter about it, but I dont hate her for it. I still dont see how to repair trust with someone who would have had me accept the least they had to, at any point, the whole way. Big problem.

I did realize that Wws Precancerous pap that she had a LEEP procedure done on in 2015, a diagnosis of a high risk strain of HPV from biopsy, was probably from the cheating in 2014. I asked Ww about it yesterday and she was surprised I had never connected the dots on that. Me too, in retrospect. There has just been too much information to sort backwards and forwards. I suppose in 2015 I had no clue what had actually happened relative to now, and assumed the hpv was from her college days. Ah well, we dealt with it. Its all just dust at this point.

Im doing my best. Im in a kind of homeostasis of injury, near as I can tell. The highs and lows are less peaky right now, and Im thankful for the lull in volatility.

I crave a feeling of accomplishment, but having a depressed urge to go create it. Trying to create small goals and put myself to work on em to "get myself back".

[This message edited by 5bluedrops at 2:20 PM, Sunday, April 27th]

A guess: a lot of us grow up with a fear of abandonment. That might be playing into your discomfort.

You are doing good 5BDs. Your body will lead you through the healing. Please make sure you talk to her about the root injuries when they arise. It has helped my healing tremendously that my has been very open to talk when I have a trigger and hurt. It will get better over time....but don't bury.

Ask God to reveal any more truth necessary for you. I pray she grows during this and really learns to cherish you and your marriage.

Again....keep in mind it takes TIME. And when I say time I mean from the time of the final revelation whatever that is. From that point, when you actually have the objective truth, it takes 1 to 2 years minimum. Praying for you friend.🙏