SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For a little while now I have felt that I had accepted the fact that I am now in a marriage that is tainted but enough for me to continue to be in it. Marriage of convenience was my last post.

WH and I are about 18 months out from D-Day and have some really good times since then. I had finally got to a pint that we could go out and the night didn’t end in a fight over the affair. Or should I say me yelling and being angry at him.

Last night we went out separately to a hens and bucks party. They were very tame events where the boys and girls met up later in the evening. Even though I had a lovely night in the beginning I lost it at the end. Seeing all these ladies with their engagement rings or wedding rings on and talking about weddings and marriage sent me over the edge.

I hate the fact I don’t want to wear my rings (I have stopped wearing them completely). I hate living a life that is a lie, where I put in this happy face but I’m obviously still in pain and not truly accepting of the life I have chosen to live. So I cried and carried in and just left WH out and caught a cab home on my own.

He wanted to talk about it today, with no alcohol fueled emotions but I just don’t have it in me to even talk anymore. 😢

Webbit, I'm so sorry that kind of party triggered you. Parties like that are a social custom, but they fall pretty far from reality, don't they? Ask yourself: how common is infidelity in your culture? Unless infidelity is very rare, we know that a certain percentage of these ladies are going to find themselves coping with the same reality as you have been struggling with. You are not singled out in that.

It always seems so scripted to me when people pretend to one another that they are all travelling the same road. But just saying I hear your pain about this.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

I feel this big time ! When people are having fun with their partners or announcing engagements and having babies I can’t help but feel how resentful I feel about my own relationship and lack of milestones and that he’s ruined so much of a what was a lovely relationship.

Also 18 months out and just booked in with a new IC to help me cope with it all.

Sorry you are also still feeling so low after so long! Obviously no relationship is perfect but we deserve peace and happiness again it’s just whether it can be found with the same person who took it away.

Sending love to you .. the healing journey certainly isn’t linear

Right there with you, and I’m a lot further from DD.

I don’t know which troubles me more, a movie featuring infidelity, or a movie featuring a happy, loving couple.

And I’d rather not attend a wedding.

I’m just jealous, I guess.

I hate living a life that is a lie, where I put in this happy face but I’m obviously still in pain and not truly accepting of the life I have chosen to live. So I cried and carried in and just left WH out and caught a cab home on my own.

I suppose faking it until you make it could technically be considered a lie, but it's a victimless crime. You don't want to be real about how you're doing at an event celebrating a marriage. No sense ruining someone else's good time, unless it's your H and you need/want his support.

I had many episodes like the one you described where I'd get worked up and had no room for anything but my huge feelings. We called it "getting on the train". One night, I got super worked up and basically ruined a concert. Then the band broke up. They got back together this year, 20 years later, and I bought us tickets for a redo. I hope they don't break up again before this show.

It took a long time for me to be able to get to a place where I was strong enough to resist getting aboard the train. Definitely longer than 18 months. You're doing just fine.