Topic is Sleeping.
Daisy312 (original poster member #36813) posted at 1:22 PM on Friday, August 11th, 2017
I'm still struggling 5years later and want a book to help eith the ptsd from the A. Most books i see are for R-ing couples. I want to learn to love myself and a new man:)
BitterlyBetrayed ( member #54848) posted at 5:19 PM on Friday, August 11th, 2017
What about Transceding Post Infidelity Stress Disorder by Dennis Ortman? I haven't read this one yet, so not sure how it directs to a new relationship.
I didn't buy a ticket for this roller coaster and I want the hell off!
Daisy312 (original poster member #36813) posted at 9:27 PM on Friday, August 11th, 2017
I was actually looking at that one online and was wondering too If it would be beneficial in a new relationship. I know I'm projecting past hurts onto other people and it isn't fair.
sillyoldsod ( member #43649) posted at 11:17 PM on Friday, August 11th, 2017
Whilst not specifically aimed at the PTSD aspect, one of the very best books I read post divorce was 'Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends' by Bruce Fisher.
I would also highly recommend 'Starting Again' by Sarah Litvinoff. The book encourages the reader to explore their childhood life scripts and how they likely contributed to the demise of the relationship and how they can use that awareness to create healthier relationships going forward.
Best wishes.
((Daisy312))
I've never met a sociopath I didn't like.
hcsv ( member #51813) posted at 9:39 PM on Saturday, August 12th, 2017
Thank you all for the recommendations I, too, have been looking for some resources.
After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17
sunwillshine ( member #47200) posted at 5:55 AM on Sunday, August 13th, 2017
The Body Keeps Score was an excellent book about ptsd. I actually listened to it on audio book. I'm not sure I could have read it. It is a research book written by a psychiatrist (can't spell his name). This book was instrumental in me understanding my ptsd and seeking help for it. I actually went to an inpatient treatment center and am so very grateful that I did.
D-day 2/12/15
5 DD (3 his, 2 mine) all grown
married 9/97 together 8/94.
Moved back in 5/30/16 working on R
hurthumiliated3 ( member #56189) posted at 6:42 PM on Monday, August 14th, 2017
I am currently reading Living and Loving After Betrayal by Steven Stosny. The beginning was about the biological effects of stress and betrayal on the brain and tools you can use to counteract them. I am on chapter 8 now and the focus has shifted to healing by focusing on your core values, using gratitude and cultivating what is important to you. The focus is really about healing yourself and not really the outcome of the relationship.
I also recommend Rising Strong by Brene Brown, that was really helpful for me as well. It is not specifically aimed at infidelity, so it might meet your needs as well. It is a quick read, too.
Me- BW, mid 30s
Him(Fake Husband)- late 30s, 6 week PA with COW
3 kids, 15 years married
Dday Oct 2016
Jose68 ( member #51936) posted at 6:59 PM on Monday, August 14th, 2017
I tried the Stosny book, but there were so many different exercises in it, if you try to do them all you aren't going to have time to have a job or cook a meal!
I will try "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends". Any other suggestions for someone still stuck and mopey after a divorce? (Non-Christian focused, please)
[This message edited by Jose68 at 1:00 PM, August 14th (Monday)]
Affair 2014. Tried reconciliation. Divorced 2017.
BH: 50
WW: 48
Married 13 years
The boys are 12 & 15
marji ( member #49356) posted at 7:03 PM on Monday, August 14th, 2017
If you want to learn about clinical PTSD try The Body Keeps Score. It is by Dr. Basel Van dear Kolk who is considered the authority on PTSD.
hurthumiliated3 ( member #56189) posted at 10:47 PM on Monday, August 14th, 2017
I tried the Stosny book, but there were so many different exercises in it, if you try to do them all you aren't going to have time to have a job or cook a meal!
Jose68, yes! There are a ton of exercises. I have to admit I have only done one or two written down as the books asks. The rest I just think through, otherwise I'd be reading this book for a year. I am still finding the reading helpful.
Me- BW, mid 30s
Him(Fake Husband)- late 30s, 6 week PA with COW
3 kids, 15 years married
Dday Oct 2016
trying to smile ( member #9683) posted at 4:35 AM on Thursday, August 17th, 2017
Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan J Elliott.
I have a couple more, just need to find them.
tts
Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".
smokenfire ( member #5217) posted at 5:57 PM on Friday, August 18th, 2017
I don't know if it is stictly related to the affair, if it's life long the BEST mind blowing book is one on CPTSD - (chronic/complex PTSD). If you search amazon for cptsd it's the first one that comes up.
Don't food shop when hungry, or date when you're lonely
How others treat you IS a reflection of your SELF worth, but not your actual WORTH.
Forged1 ( member #43418) posted at 3:09 PM on Saturday, August 19th, 2017
There's an unabridged audio version of "The Body Keeps the Score" on YouTube.
Me: Former BH
Divorced Q2 2015
==================================
At this stage, I'm pretty much bulletproof.
Do no harm. But take no shit.
hopefulkate ( member #47752) posted at 6:42 PM on Thursday, November 9th, 2017
Another vote for the body keeps the score!!!!
Then find a therapist who can help with emdr and other relatively new trauma specific therapies. EMDR can be game changing.
Also, read the PISD book last week. Eh? He starts by saying he is a wayward because he chose to marry instead of be a priest for God.
I get the feeling and what he is meaning, but the pain of betrayal and what we actually go through seems to be missed. As well as a really narrow focus on the different types of affairs and whys. But that’s my rather jaded opinion.
Lily12 ( member #60784) posted at 2:35 AM on Friday, November 10th, 2017
I would definitely read The Body Keeps the Score and for sure try and find a therapist that does EMDR work. That could really help with the PTSD. Lots of trauma certified counselors out there.
Lily
redsox13 ( member #43391) posted at 12:04 PM on Saturday, November 11th, 2017
I recommend The Body Keeps the Score and EMDR.
BS - 45
fWW - 43
Simply getting better.
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 5:39 PM on Wednesday, November 15th, 2017
Not a book but…
I suffered from PTSD. A combination of events that I dealt with as a cop but MAINLY the infidelity of my then-fiancé.
The key to my recovery was twofold:
I realized and acknowledged I had PTSD (as it seems you have).
I took all of 4 sessions with an IC that specialized in PTSD and cognitive behavioral therapy. Could probably have skipper the last two sessions…
If you know what you are trying to cure and follow the advice then it’s a really quick fix.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
Topic is Sleeping.
