SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Has anyone else been triggered by the recent video at the Coldplay concert.

I am 5 years out and felt things were going ok. But boy did this really open old wounds
It doesn’t help that the man in question bears a canny resemblance to my husband.

I feel very vulnerable and stupid for staying.
It’s hard to even look at him right now.

I have found the public comments so difficult to read. I really feel like I have completely lost my self respect by staying. I am feeling like I may have made a massive mistake. Just seeing these two cheaters - and the public reaction. It just takes me back to the first few weeks after d-day.

How can people be so cruel? Honestly the brazenness of these two. My husband and his AP worked together. They went to the theatre and on holiday together. I am pretty sure their work colleagues knew. I think watching this has been like a bucket of water in my face.

Anyone else feeling this - after seeing the clips on social media?

Feeling so sick to my stomach- it’s really got to me. Thanks for reading, just not sure what this means. Feeling so off balance 😢

Yeah, I think it’s gotten to everyone here.

The comments that imply we shouldn’t judge, leave them alone, etc. smh with that bull.

I have been watching it and just assume that the people saying that sort of bullshit are cheaters, too. It’s helpful information to have if you see it among people you know. Not a friend anymore, right?

And yes, I feel lame as well.

I’m sorry, I’ve got nothing smart to say here except yeah. Me too.

I really feel like I have completely lost my self respect by staying. I am feeling like I may have made a massive mistake.

Did you feel this way before the Coldplay concert incident?

I think that it is hard no matter which choice you make - D or Reconciliation. And everyone has an opinion so it’s better to ignore what others think.

I’m sure people would say I’m an idiot for giving my H a third chance - but I felt as though if he didn’t make a supreme effort I would D him anyway so another 30 days wasn’t going to make much difference.

But in fact it did.

Is your former cheating spouse doing everything possible to make amends? If so, and your marriage has survived and you are happy, who cares what others think?

And I used to be a judgmental woman who had the "I would never stay married to a cheater" mantra down pat. Funny how things change when I’m in the middle of the affair.

Ignore the haters.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 1:27 PM, Saturday, July 19th]

While I don’t feel stupid or regret staying I would have if it was public like this and the entire world was making jokes and memes about it early on. My heart is breaking for that poor woman and her kids. It’s good it was revealed, but for Christ sakes there is nothing funny about it and this family needs to grieve and heal privately. Emotions are so raw this early. She is likely feeling the need to protect her husband a bit while also hating him. So sad. The children get to see the father they love and still do become a social pariah. They don’t deserve to have this circus created while their world is upside down. I dont care that "he should have thought of that before he cheated". Well no shit, but someone needs to be the grown up and protect their broken hearts as much as they can. I wish people would care less about what the cheater deserves and more about what the victims need and what’s best for them. They deserve privacy to figure out what they want to do and begin rebuilding their life to their choosing with or without the man in the home. I hope this women gets a great divorce atty or I hope she finds a great counselor and her husband gets the help he needs and they work it out. I hope she feels free to make these choices in her own time free of any judgment.

Have you talked to your husband about these feelings. It would’ve been good if he had been proactive about it and helped you through this. He had to know it would be triggering.

Perhaps you need a discussion about how to handle these types of things he going forward and how he needs to lead when he knows there’s a possibility of something that could trigger you.

I feel very vulnerable and stupid for staying.

You are absolutely not stupid for staying.

If human behavior was to always rain down consequences immediately for every wrong doing, we would still be in the jungle. The capacity to forgive, show grace, set aside an insult, these are some of the highest traits within the human heart.

There are excellent reasons to stay. There are unarguable reasons to leave. Society doesn’t understand it, so they make ignorant pronouncements or laugh like that dirt bag friend on the Jumbotron. They all completely miss the mark, so fuck them as you navigate your difficult path. Just keep your eyes and heart open and keep doing the best you can. That is all any of us can do.

This is triggering , but there is so much going on around the world right now that we have to not take anything personally. These are reminders more than ever to do the right thing, be grateful for what we have and cherish the smallest of victories in our personal and professional lives.

My thoughts are only with the douchebags wife, she’s the victim in all of this. His children deserve a lot of sympathy. Betrayal is incredibly humiliating but to have their shame play out so publicly is outright cruel. People’s memories and attention spans are shorter than the TikTok reels, so there’s hope that his family will find their normalcy at some point, most likely without him.

I feel bad for the HR lady’s husband. Poor guy. His world is fucked, too.

This is absolutely triggering. But don’t beat yourself up for trying and staying. Going through it at all is hard enough. And, what you’re feeling was normal for me too.

My best friend likened trying to reconcile being a superpower. It requires superhuman effort and strength. I’m grateful that my FWH and I were able to get to this place. We’re both much happier for the effort we put in together.
Sadly, my best friend just discovered her boyfriend was not being exclusive and was trying to figure out what he wanted. She told him that if he was not sure…she was not interested. That’s been running through my head a lot lately. I did tell my H at Dady the same. I’m not interested in being with someone who isn’t interested in being with me. How broken must you be to knowingly settle for that in a relationship. The OW in my case was a "friend" and stalked me for years after.

Closer to my d-day there was a song on repeat on the radio…I couldn’t listen to it. Same with any mention of infidelity in any form of media. I talked with my H when it happened and we steered clear of it. Now, I no longer get the same emotional response to it. When I saw the Coldplay concert video….all I could think was "Gosh, cheaters are dumbasses". Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. And what a way to tell the world you’re a Coldplay fan.