SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My sister in law gave him a time line, gave him passwords , offered to do counseling, asked for marriage counseling , did nothing but stay at home and take care of the kids while he went and got revenge by having emotional affairs while on the road, three that he has admitted to. He now has a girl staying in the same hotel that he tells her "she deserves this".

Does this happen often, no I didn’t say that, I am speaking from what I’ve seen.

He has also admitted to me he didn’t do the work with her to heal but stayed married thinking it would magically resolve itself and choose to have victim mentality… because in his mind he can hold all of the cards.

I am not defending her, what she did was horrible, but she’s changed and I’ve seen it with my own eyes. So has he , but he doesn’t care.

I didn’t think all of that was relevant to the original question so I left it all out.

We all have a choice to ask what we need then leave or stay , we as betrayed spouses have a responsibility to heal and leave or heal and stay. That was my point of explaining their situation.

[This message edited by Groot1988 at 1:46 AM, Monday, November 11th]

Wow, thank you Groot, that sounds awful. I'm hoping he can change too, I hate to hear these stories especially revenge affairs, the world needs less cheating, not more.

I agree! Like I said I don’t think it happens often.
It just really stuck with me and I really don’t want to turn out that way. So I will do the hard work if it saves me from that.

I've mentioned elsewhere that, every now and again, something happens or is said that triggers a bout of depression in me, and that has happened this evening.

My WW and I went for dinner with my closest friend and his two children, who are 20 and 24. His 20-year old son said (jokingly, I think) that he was considering selling photos of his feet on OnlyFans. My wife (who, possibly significantly, dominated the conversation for a lot of the evening) said she would have considered doing something like that when she was younger, if it had existed. She then announced that, when she was in her early thirties (just before we met) she considered becoming an escort. She went on to say, "a non-sexual escort."

This took me by surprise. I'm very concerned that she seems to lack the empathy to understand that I may prefer to have been told that in private.

Earlier, I asked the waiter for a glass and he didn't hear me, so I just used a different glass. My wife said I needed to be more "aggressive" (her word); I'm wondering whether this is Freudian: she always claims to admire me because I'm not a boorish thug, but she's also given clues that, sexually, she's attracted to macho men with a touch of aggression.

These things are pieces of a jigsaw, and I'm beginning to believe she's never seen me as a sexual person, and that that's one of the reasons she married me.

We haven't had sex for almost seven years and I hate it. I mean, really hate it. This enforced celibacy pushes me towards suicidal feelings.

I'm having MC on Tuesday (on my own) so I'll keep this to myself until then. I realise that this post is unrelated to the title of the thread, but I didn't want to hijack someone else's.

We haven't had sex for almost seven years and I hate it. I mean, really hate it. This enforced celibacy pushes me towards suicidal feelings.

Wow!

Wondering why you are married . . . ???

I suggest you skip Marriage Counsel and spend your $$$ on Counsel for you!

We haven't had sex for almost seven years and I hate it. I mean, really hate it. This enforced celibacy pushes me towards suicidal feelings.

I….. can’t. I just can’t. So I won’t.

I have been here for quite some time and I hardly ever post anymore. But given this:

We haven't had sex for almost seven years and I hate it. I mean, really hate it. This enforced celibacy pushes me towards suicidal feelings.

I too have to ask why? Why are you still married if it brings you no joy?

And given you wife's past infidelity for her to say that she once considered being an escort is quite frankly mind boggling.

She then announced that, when she was in her early thirties (just before we met) she considered becoming an escort. She went on to say, "a non-sexual escort."….

We haven't had sex for almost seven years and I hate it.

Wow…..I don’t mean to make light of your situation at all. It’s heartbreaking and terrible. But from the outside looking in, it appears she fulfilled her prophecy. She’s an escort to you "reaping the benefits of marriage" without the sex. A "non-sexual escort"…..

Why do you want to stay married to her? Not a rhetorical question. I think you should seriously examine what you're getting out of this relationship and why you want to stay in it.

I sense impatience setting in. I think it seems to outsiders that I'm doing nothing and making no progress. This isn't the case, but I move forward with trepidation. I'm trying to find a path which will dispel my deep unhappiness but avoid ending my marriage, if I can. I understand that people may view that as weak. Be compassionate.

I'm trying to find a path which will dispel my deep unhappiness but avoid ending my marriage, if I can. I understand that people may view that as weak. Be compassionate.

To start, it’s your life and you have every right to make decisions for yourself. Where folks like me struggle is when you say there’s been no sex for 7 years, and you seem to be unhappy about that. For me, I would have left at about month 3 (max), so to me it’s unfathomable to stay 7 years in this situation. I am NOT judging you. I merely cannot comprehend tolerating such a miserable situation and since you’re willing to tolerate this, apparently forever, I can’t even begin to make recommendations, other than IC perhaps to explore why you’re willing to tolerate this situation. Even that assumes you’re unhappy about your circumstances, but while you seem to say you are, the fact that you’re still there after 7 years tells me your not *really* that unhappy with the way things are.

I do wish you the best.

We're concerned for you. We want to help you break out of the unhappy status quo, whether that's with your W or alone.

My question was serious and not snarky: What's the payoff for remaining married to her? What keeps you there? What do you not want to lose?

Eric,

I’m not sure it is "impatience" as much as an "impossible impasse" people are feeling for you.

We haven't had sex for almost seven years and I hate it. I mean, really hate it. This enforced celibacy pushes me towards suicidal feelings.

I'm trying to find a path which will dispel my deep unhappiness but avoid ending my marriage, if I can.

These two statements seem in direct conflict with one another. Hating the forced celibacy to the point of having suicide thoughts yet you want to find happiness within a marriage that is the source of your unhappiness. I’m not sure you can have one within the other. That is genuinely why people are asking what the "WIFM" is for you in the marriage as it isn’t apparent. It just seems to be a source of misery. If your wife married you because she doesn’t see you as a "sexual being" and has conflicting views about what traits you do or don’t possess that she deems attractive, it sounds like "fixing" that is virtually impossible.