Listen to everyone here. Many of them have seen this 1000’s of times. They have experience and have consumed all the leading professionals material.
They know what they are talking about.
You cannot nice her back. You cannot control her.
There needs to be consequences but she has to voluntarily enact and comply with them.
She needs to fight for the marriage not you.
You need to talk to a lawyer ASAP.
Call 2 or 3.
Right now. As soon as possible.
Do not tell your wife you are doing it.
You need legal protections in place.
I would not confront her again until you do.
In the mean time document all proof of the affair. Put it somewhere safe.
Also you need to see if there is any action you can take against the company you hired.
At a minimum you may be able to call them and get him fired.
They had sex in your new home. Don’t try to fight this even some of the professionals admit this. You need to move.
You will never feel comfortable there. It will never be your home. You will always think about them while you are there. Also he knows where you live so you will never feel safe.
The house needs to go. Maybe you can get out of it since it’s so new and get some of your money back.
Talk to an attorney.
Time is not your ally here. You need to move quickly.
Don’t win her back with anniversary I would have her move out.
I understand waiting until after Xmas for the kids but while they are gone have her go stay with family.
If she has some decent family tell them what happened yourself.
Tell anyone close to her who has influence over her.
On that note you need support. Get some family and friends who have your back. You need people right now. Don’t try to stuff this down on your own.
Hell might not be a bad idea to call his parents. Assuming they’re decent they may at least look down on your wife and not want their son in a relationship with her.
You need to understand affairs are nasty traps. They are so new and exciting that they are absolutely intoxicating.
But they have the counter effect of making home life worse. Which then makes affairs even more intense and exciting.
Your wife is not rational right now. She is running on feelings.
You not going to reason with her right now. You can’t run around chasing her or playing marriage police.
You deserve someone who wants to be your wife.
If she thinks he is a better deal you will never get through to her with logic and reason.
She needs reality and consequences to hit her hard.
You are worth something. Remember that.
You have just as much value as she does.
Hell you have more. You’re a good father that provides for his family. She a cheater and a lier that throws her family away for a shitty guy who lives in his parent's basement.
There is a common saying in this infidelity world.
"You have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it"
But it’s not manipulation. If she does not value you above all others then you are outta there.
Know your worth and stand up for your self.
I’m sorry, You did not deserve this.
P.S. call a lawyer. Right now.
Consequences for everybody this holiday season.