Honestly, no one really knows how long it takes to heal, what really matters is that you learn to focus in each day. And this is why I always say, one day at a time because that is all any of us have.
But you could focus on each step that you plan to take. Reach out to a lawyer and learn your rights, take care of yours and your kids needs, etc. I know right now that it is very difficult to do, but focusing on how long it is going to take to heal doesn't serve you well at all.
I was in a very dark place at one point in my marriage... my world and marriage AS I KNEW IT fell apart because of my WH ways. But the truth and reality was that it had already fallen apart. I just didn't know it. It fell apart years ago but my WH neglected to tell me that it did. And how I was viewing my marriage was only a figment of my own imagination. The reality of who my WH really was and my imagination of who he was didn't line up. And he blamed me too because of the choices that he made, just like yours is doing to you now.
I know this is all just a mess right now. You are going through some deep trauma, and the most important things you can do is to reach out to others IRL, besides SI for help. I found that the more people I could lean into the better off I was. But if you aren't quite ready for that there are other options as well. These days you have lots of options to choose from, fb groups that deal exactly with what you are going through, women meet ups infidelity groups, etc. I found that to be helpful too.
Just like the others have said, set a goal to take care of your needs. Drink water, exercise, drink protein shakes if you find that you are having a hard time eating. I lost a bunch of weight when I first started going through the nightmare. I completely understand what you are going through and I am sorry.
BTW, I'm a few years out now and just like you, I also had dreams of this beautiful fairytale life. But I found that the fairytale life wasn't real. It still blows me away when I think back how I thought my life was supposed to look like compared to how it is today. And I will say that I much prefer and appreciate living in reality and my authentic life, rather than trusting and believing in someone who was lying and cheating on me throughout our whole marriage, and then covering it up so that he could continue living in his lust filled, drinking ways. Who wants that? I would much rather live my reality verses living with someone who is presenting themselves to be someone they are not.
***Correction- cheating, drinking, lieing, lustful ways.
I would much rather live in my truth and my reality of today then to go back into that nightmare and have to become less of who I am and to bury my head in the sand just to keep things "right?"
What I went through... I would never have imagined I would have made it out alive, but here I am!
You will get there too.
[This message edited by Hurtmyheart at 5:21 PM, Monday, June 10th]